Restless Moods

The Voice, Whitney Houston

2012-02-12T09:00:00.000-06:00

Whitney Houston, an incredible voice, silenced here on earth.

But, oh my, in heaven right now, the choir , oh my the choir is singing......

This is my favorite song, I can listen to this over and over and over.

The hardest part of being alone......

2012-02-05T20:19:00.001-06:00

The hardest part of being alone.....
when you really need someone to talk to, there's nobody around.
when you are feeling so down, there is nobody to give you a hand up.
when you feel so lost, there is nobody to shine a light on the trail
when you just want to feel someone touching your hand, there's nobody there to hold it.
when you want to hear the sound of another voice, there's nobody there but silence
the hardest part of being alone........
there's nobody there.

Simple Gifts

2012-02-04T11:10:00.000-06:00

"I am beginning to learn that it is the sweet, simple things of life

which are the real ones after all."

~Laura Ingalls Wilder

Here are just a few of the many gifts for which I am grateful:

~taking a deep breath~

~beginning~

~knowing that my camera is by my side and ready~

~becoming so lost in revising a poem

that time ceases to exist~

~taking a walk on a trail I've never followed before~

~discovering an old barn~

~watching a hawk fly by almost near enough to touch~

~stacks and stacks of books~

~a phone call from a friend I miss~

~campfires~

~the way strawberries bring a blush to a bowl of cream~

~the scent of lavender~

~an email out of the blue from a long-lost friend~

~the sound of a cat's purr ~

~cinnamon toast~

~wooden bowls~

~Queen Anne's lace~

~curling up in a quilt with a book and a cup of tea~

~old keys that long ago lost their doors~

~playing Scrabble ~

~the scent of cedar~

~mix & match dishes in a camp kitchen~

~sea-polished stones~

~the candle that's burning on my desk~

~the rain (softer now) that's falling outside my window~

~forgiving~

~being forgiven~

~moving on~

~letting go~

~beginning again~

Candlemas: The Light Returns

2012-02-01T21:49:00.000-06:00

February 2 is one of the great cross-quarter days which make up the wheel of the year. It falls midway between the winter solstice and the spring equinox and in many traditions is considered the beginning of spring.

Awakening the Ground

In Western Europe, this was the time for preparing the fields for the first planting. Even in Seattle, you can begin turning over and enriching the soil in anticipation of the first sowing in March. Pamela Berger has written a book, The Goodess Obscured: Transformation of the Grain Protectress from Goddess to Saint, about the rituals celebrated at this time of year, when the ground is first awakened and the seed placed in the belly of the earth. This is a significant moment in a community which depends on the earth for sustenance. The fields were purified and offerings were made to the goddess.

This medieval Anglo-Saxon plowing charm, recorded by Berger, was said by the farmer while cutting the first furrow.

Whole be thou Earth

Mother of men.

In the lap of God,

Be thous as-growing.

Be filled with fodder

For fare-need of men.

The farmer then took a loaf of bread, kneaded it with milk and holy water and laid it under the first furrow, saying:

Acre full fed,

Bring forth fodder for men!

Blossoming brightly,

Blessed become;

And the God who wrought the ground,

Grant us the gifts of growing,

That the corn, all the corn,

may come unto our need.

The promises of the return of the light and the renewal of life which were made at the winter solstice are now becoming manifest. It's the dawn of the year. It's the time when a woman who is pregnant begins showing. It's time to creep out of the hibernation of winter, cautiously, like the Ground Hog who supposedly emerges on this day to check his shadow. It's the time of germination.
St. Brigid, the Grain Goddess

In Ireland, this holy day is called Imbolc and begins at sunset on February 1 continuing through sunset February 2nd. There are several different derivations offered for the name Imbolc: from Ol-melc (ewe's milk) because the ewes are lactating at this time, from Im-bolg (around the belly) in honor of the swelling belly of the earth goddess, and from folcaim (I wash) because of the rites of purification which took place at this time. All of these explanations capture the themes of this festival.

February 1st is the feast day of St. Brigid, who began her life as a pagan goddess and ended up a Christian saint. She was a fire and fertility goddess. In her temple at Kildare, vestal virgins tended an eternal fire. On her feast day, her statue was washed in the sea (purification) and then carried in a cart through the fields surrounded by candles.

The legends about the goddess, Brigid, gradually became associated with (the somewhat spurious) Saint Brigid who founded the first convent in Ireland (where else?) at Kildare.

To celebrate St. Brigid's day, people put out a loaf of bread on the windowsill for the Saint and an ear of corn for her white cow, offerings for the grain goddess like the loaf buried in the first furrow. A small quantity of special seeds are mixed with those to be sown. Wheat stalks are woven into X-shaped crosses to serve as charms to protect home from fire and lightning.

In the HIghlands, women dress the corn doll or last sheaf (from Lammas or the autumn equinox) in a bridal gown and put her in a basket, which is called the Bride's bed. A wand, candle or other phallic object is laid across her and Bride is invited to come, for her bed is ready.

Purification

The Catholic Church, as it was wont to do, found an opportunity to superimpose a Christian holiday on this pagan festival. Jewish women went through a purification ceremony 40 days after the birth of a male child (80 days after the birth of a female child). So in the 6th century (according to J.C. Cooper in The Aquarian Dictionary of Festivals,February 2 (which falls 39 days after Christmas) was declared the feast of the Purification of Mary. The theme of purification remained a link between the two holy days.

Like many miraculous babies, Jesus is recognized as a future hero from the time of his infancy. One of these recognitions occurs in Luke 2:21 when he is being presented in the temple (at the time of Mary's purification ) and a holy man, Simeon, recognizes him as the Christ, calling him “a light for revelation.”

This is the ostensible reason given for the custom of bringing candles to church to be blessed by the priest on February 2nd. They are then take home where they serve as talismans and protections from all sorts of disasters. This custom is the origin for the name Candle-mass. In Hungary, according to Dorothy Spicer in The Book of Festivals, February 2nd is called Blessing of the Candle of the Happy Woman (Gyertyazsenteio Boidog Asszony). In Poland, it is called Mother of God Who Saves Us From Thunder (Swieto Matki Boskiej Gromnicznej).

Actually, this festival has always been associated with fire. In ancient Armenia (writes Spicer), this was the date of the pagan spring festival in honor of Mihr, the God of fire. Originally, fires were built in his honor in open places and a lantern was lit which burned in the temple throughout the year. When Armenia became Christian, the fires were built in church courtyards instead. People danced about the flames, jumped over them and carried home embers to kindle their own fires from the sacred flames.

Since Lent can sometimes begin as early as February 4th, some Candlemas customs became associated with Shrove Tuesday (Mardi Gras) and the beginning of Lent, which is a time of purification.

Simple Days

2012-01-29T07:46:00.000-06:00

January is flying by but I wasn't fast enough to jump onto her wing and hitch a ride. I feel I have been left behind and am taking the scenic path. I have been working very slowly. I'm not sure why this is? I think I'm gathering my thoughts and still recharging my creative battery? It's strange as when the new year arrives you want to throw yourself into the fresh new beginning. But the mind is not willing and is telling me it's a journey not a race. So I've been looking.

I've met Jack Frost a couple of times, but this year he has more business elsewhere, not here where I live.

Sky watching. I've done a lot of that. In fact I always do. There is more magic in light than in anything I feel.

January has gifted me with lavender sweets, celandines in bloom, a tear shed or two, falling into heather and the highlands by candlelight via the pages of my book, answering a song thrush that definitely spoke to me! Beautiful new music, browsing in bookshops, sweet incense and warm spicy soup, a meteorite so ancient my mind boggled and of course the prettiest thing of January, snowdrops.

Thus have been my days. Simple days.

In between I've been painting, writinhg, taking photographs. Many projects on the to do list. And with the muse deciding it's rest time, it's taking longer than anticipated. But, we'll get there. ;)

the key

2012-01-22T11:17:00.000-06:00

my mind and heart are on two different pages, nowadays. my mind is logical, sensible, focused on important things. a realist. my heart is wild, unruly, chaotic. a romantic. and for this reason, i keep it locked safe and sound behind the firm bars of my ribcage.

the skeleton key--opener of all my many mysteries--burns a hole in my pocket, protecting my darkest secrets.

it seeks for a new master. but i can't give it one.

my body aches to be touched.

my lips itch to be kissed.

my hands pray to be held.

my brain pleads to be understood.

my heart lusts to be loved.

but at the moment, a creeping premonition diseasing my brain leaks its poison through my veins into my already frustrated heart. whispering its hurtful words.

you'll never get what you want.

and you will never be loved.

HANDBOOK OF LIFE

2012-01-17T17:34:00.000-06:00

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Make time for prayer.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2011.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9 Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Always speak the truth even if it leads to your death.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you wake up alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:

40. Please SHARE this with all your relatives and close friends.

✿ܓAuthor Unknown

The Art of Saturday (or Sunday) Morning

2011-12-31T12:49:00.000-06:00

There is something magical about a weekend winter morning. I find that the early hours of the day are steeped in a particular slowness that doesn’t accompany the other seasons. I can sleep in, go for a long walk in the snow to build up some appetite and then move onto my favorite thing: an artful meal.

Our hurried lives don’t often allow us the time to eat “properly”. We tend to see it as another thing to check off the to-do list, instead of a privilege and an opportunity to nurture ourselves both physically and spiritually. And especially when we are cooking for ourselves, we will settle for a fast and pathetic meal of microwave popcorn (admit it, you’ve done it).
Eating is an art, and every meal can be a masterpiece. All it takes is a couple more minutes of dedication and the results are a truly astounding. When I allow myself the time to prepare food well and beautifully, it’s like I’ve just given myself a gift.

Meals that tempt the eyes are more likely to tempt the taste buds. That's why, as a health-conscious cook, it’s important to make nutritious foods look their best. When a meal is appealingly presented, you and your family are more likely to eat and enjoy it - making it easier to stick to a healthful diet.
Creating a beautiful meal doesn’t take a lot of work, just a little know-how. Here are some tips to taking that hum-drum dinner to restaurant worthy fare:

1. Pack as much colour on the plate as you can. There’s nothing inspiring about a plate of all one-colour food, so include a rainbow of vegetables, herbs and spices.

2. Pay attention to form. Experiment with cutting foods into a variety of shapes and sizes. You can cut peppers in elegant strips, festive rings or small triangles. Slice carrots, celery and zucchini on the diagonal for change. You can vary shapes and sizes within a dish as well. For instance, make a fruit salad with melon balls, pineapple chunks, kiwi slices and orange sections.

3. Texture matters. Use long stands of beets, or ribbons of cucumber for added crunch on salad or a swirl of high-quality olive oil for added smoothness in a soup.

4. Add a garnish. Herbs work well, just select one based on the dish’s ingredients. Some of my favorites are cilantro, Italian parsley, fresh basil and mint - these really perk up a meal with their fresh flavours, bright colours and nutritional goodness.

Pictured above is one of my favorite winter breakfasts, rolled oats with a buffet of toppings. I like to stir in wild, frozen blueberries about a minute before serving so they thaw, but don’t overcook. These turn the bland-coloured oats into a deep purple indulgence. Then I arrange sliced apples and chopped nuts on top. The apples are cool and crispy in contrast to the warm, soft oats and the nuts are rich and add crunch. I keep the extra garnishes on the side to add as I go – the whole experience makes me feel special.

Over the next few Saturdays or Sundays, give yourself the chance to create something beautiful with your food to enjoy alone or with friends and family. It may even become a priority…and suddenly life will be full of an unexplained richness that feels like you’ve just won the lottery and tastes like heaven only hopes

How Important Is Physical Attraction?

2011-12-23T12:49:00.000-06:00

If you developed a romantic relationship without being able to see what a person looked like and they were not physically present and the entire relationship was initially built on intellectual, emotional and spiritual attraction prior to physically meeting each other, do you think that this relationship would have a stronger foundation than most traditional relationships where physical attraction was an initial factor?

How important is physical attraction? Must physical attraction first exist or can physical attraction develop as the intellectual, emotional and spiritual attraction develops?

It is my observation that romantic relationships which are built primarily on physical attraction for the most part are built on a shaky foundation. Two people can be extremely physically attracted to each other yet have very little other connection. When this exists, then the relationship is often doomed to descend into a hellish abyss with fleeting moments of physical bliss.

This is not to say that initial physical attraction can’t lead to a rewarding, long term romantic relationship. What I am pondering is that given the choice, I know that I would much rather have the opportunity to fall in love with the non-physical side of a person first, for I know that with that as the foundation of a relationship the attraction would be so strong that the physical attraction to each other would be a natural progression of the relationship. With this type of holistic attraction each person would only have eyes for each other. This attraction would be there because I would love the soul of this person, love who they are, who they have been and who they are yet to become. When we are connected on a higher level, then the love grows even as our respective bodies change with age, or change because of some external circumstance.

This perspective changes the way we may approach a new romantic relationship. There is much to be said for saving the physical side of the relationship for a point in the relationship where a true connection has been made on the intellectual, emotional and spiritual level first. Once these connections are made, then the physical side of the relationship will be that much more fulfilling.

For most of us, sex without the emotional, intellectual and spiritual connection is just sex, a moment of physical release and bliss, however a very short moment which leaves you wanting for so much more. The want that you desire, is to be able to look into the other persons eyes, to cuddle up next to each other, to hold onto each other with a knowing that you are fully connected on all levels. This is true fulfillment. When you have this, sex is simply a part of the whole, it is not viewed as a separate entity.

As our perspective of physical attraction and sexual satisfaction in a relationship shifts, the door to more holistically fulfilling relationships opens up. The ego which craves immediate satisfaction takes a back seat, the spiritual side of us drives our relationship and much to the ego’s surprise we achieve what we desire and so much more!

"El Shaddai"

2011-12-22T05:23:00.000-06:00

El-Shaddai, El-Shaddai [means "God Almighty, God Almighty"]

El-Elyon na Adonai [means "God in the highest, Oh, Lord"]

Age to age, You're still the same

By the power of the name.

El-Shaddai, El-Shaddai

Erkamka na Adonai [means "We will love You, Oh, Lord"]

We will praise and lift You high

El-Shaddai

Through Your love

And through the ram,

You saved the son

Of Abraham.

Through the power

Of Your hand,

Turned the sea

Into dry land.

To the outcast

On her knees,

You were the God

Who really sees.

And by Your might,

You set Your children free.

Through the years,

You made it clear,

That the time of Christ

Was near,

Though the people

Couldn't see

What Messiah ought to be.

Though Your Word

Contained the plan,

They just could not understand,

Your most awesome work was done

Though the frailty of Your son.

Mary, Did You Know

2011-12-21T17:54:00.000-06:00

Mary, did you know

That your baby boy will one day walk on water?

Did you know

That your baby boy will save our sons and daughters?

Did you know

That your baby boy has come to make you new?

This child that you've delivered

Will soon deliver you

Mary, did you know

That your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?

Did you know

That your baby boy will calm a storm with His hand?

Did you know

That your baby boy has walked where angels trod?

And when you kiss your little boy

You've kissed the face of God

Mary, did you know?

The blind will see

The deaf will hear

And the dead will live again

The lame will leap

The dumb will speak

The praises of the Lamb

Mary, did you know

That your baby boy is Lord of all creation?

Did you know

That your baby boy will one day rules the nations?

Did you know

That your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?

This sleeping child you're holding

Is the Great I Am

Ah, But They Were Very Good Years

2011-12-20T17:14:00.000-06:00

When I was 5 years old everything was sugar and spice and everything nice. Wrapped up in my parents love. Not a care in the world. Ah, but they were very good years.

When I was 10 it was endless summers floating into warm by the fire winters all wrapped around magical holidays. Ah, but they were very good years.

When I was 16 I was learning what it was to be come a young lady. Crushes to die for, heartaches that could be eased by mother's comforting words (and a dish of chocolate ice cream). Ah, but they were very good years.

When I was 18 I learned about innocence lost and found, that childhood was left behind and a new journey about to begin. Ah, but they were very good years.

When I was 21 life and the world were spread out before me, ready for me to discover all the secrets that they held. Ah, but they were very good years.

When I was 25 I was fighting for my life. Literally. I looked death in the face and I survived. It was a long battle. A hard battle. On me. On my family. There were a few times I was not suppose to make it. But I did. I survived cancer. But in doing so I lost a big part of myself. Of who I was in this battle. Ah, but they were very good years.

When I was 31 I was beginning to figure out who I was again. Where I fit in. Ah, but they were very good years. Ah, but they were very good years.

When I was 36 I was still figuring out why I survived. I also was missing out on what everyone else had: a home, husband, children. I had to learn to live with the knowledge that this would never be a part of my life.
Ah, but they were very good years.

When I was 40 I was coming to terms with the notion that I would never marry. Life was good. Things were going well. Ah, they were very good years.

When I was 44 I fell in love for the first time. I got married. I moved away. I started a new life. Scary but exciting. Ah, they were very good years.

When I was 52 I fell in love for the second time in my life. I also had my first real heartbreak. One I will never forget. And one heals with time (and chocolate ice cream). I also had the first major loss of my life. My mother had recently passed. Ah, but they were very good years.

When I was 53 two more devastating losses in my life. My father passed away. Then four months later my husband passed away. Devastating year. Ah, but they were very good years.

Now I am 54, the holidays are upon us. I will be alone this Christmas. It will be hard. I do not look forward to having two days off (week-ends) for it the silence is deafening. So I am really not looking forward to 4 days off. But I will get through. Just as I have in the past. Just as I will in the future.
And as I reflect back on my life, I can only say, with tear filled eyes, but a joyful heart.......Ah, But They Were Very Good Years.

Happy Anniversary to me......I miss that single carnation

2011-12-14T05:30:00.000-06:00

Today would have been my 10th wedding anniversary. I was married December 14 2001 in Savannah Missouri at the old courthouse.

Today I am really feeling the loss of my husband. His passing has been hard. But with each day that goes by the pain eases, the tears don't flow as much. But today, today is hard.

We have done the romantic rustic cabin getaways to celebrate. We have gone out to dinner to celebrate. We have done funny things to celebrate. I miss the funny things most. The little funny stuffed animals left for me in cupboards or closets. Dressing the "kids" (kitties) up in funny hats with "happy anniversary" written on them. So many things. I miss it. I miss him.

The very first day we went out he brought me a single carnation. Every Dec 14th he would bring me a single carnation. He has given me roses before. But that single carnation is what I miss. Not really a good day today.

I miss that single carnation.

Picture Perfect - Still Life with My Camera

2011-12-11T11:59:00.000-06:00

"Photography is a way of feeling, of touching, of loving. What you have caught on film is captured forever . . . it remembers little things, long after you have forgotten everything."

~ Aaron Siskind

Closing My Heart and Throwing Away the Key

2011-11-28T16:50:00.000-06:00

This week-end I got to catch up with an old friend I hadn't talked to in a while. We talked about the losses that I have been through these past few months. The passing of both parents, the end of my marriage, and the sudden passing of my husband. We talked of other things and other people that came and went in my life throughout this. And as we talked about all of these things, she said that she could, yes, sense the pain of loss, but that she sensed something else. She senses that I was closing down, shutting people out. Not letting anybody in. I had closed up my heart.

After we hung-up, I thought about what she said. And yes, I agree with her. In fact, I had shut down a long time ago. Closed off my heart and threw away key. I just didn't want to admit it. Everything just caved in on me. I did not want to feel anything. Ever. Three very painful losses in a row for me. The beginning of the end of 10 year marriage. The loss of my self-esteem. The destruction of my pride. I have gone through all of this in these many months that have passed. Each one coming in like waves. Pulling me down further into the abyss each time one hits.

First, there was the end of my marriage. Not wanting to give up, but the problems could never be worked out. This affected my health to the point there were a couple of hospital stays to get myself healthy again. Then the loss of my mother. Not unexpected, but a blow none the less. Then I let some one get close to me. Maybe too close. Too close to my heart. This is where I lost my self-worth, my pride. Who I had become. Then the loss of my father. He just did not want to go on without my mother. Again, not unexpected, but again a blow that was hard to recover from. And then, the most tragic loss. That of my husband. So unexpcted, so painful. Even though we were still married, we were not man and wife. Hadn't been for awhile. He was there for me with my Mom and Dad. To wake up one day and find that he had a massive stroke. And with in 4 days they tell me he has no brain function and I must make the decision to remove his breathing tube.

All of this has so overwhelmed me. Yes. I have shut down. Closed off my heart. My feelings. I don't want to hurt like this ever again. I don't want to feel anything. Not even love. I know I would not survive if I had to go through these emotion again. I'm not sure I can survive them now. Maybe if it all hadn't happened all together. All at once. Maybe if it was spread out more. I would be able to ......to what....go on....I am going on. I get up each day......I do what I have to do.

I've just closed my heart and threw away the key. That's all.

I Would Like to Watch You Sleeping

2011-11-26T18:42:00.000-06:00

I would like to watch you sleeping,

which may not happen.

I would like to watch you,

sleeping. I would like to sleep

with you, to enter

your sleep as its smooth dark wave

slides over my head

and walk with you through that lucent

wavering forest of bluegreen leaves

with its watery sun & three moons

towards the cave where you must descend,

towards your worst fear

I would like to give you the silver

branch, the small white flower, the one

word that will protect you

from the grief at the center

of your dream, from the grief

at the center. I would like to follow

you up the long stairway

again & become

the boat that would row you back

carefully, a flame

in two cupped hands

to where your body lies

beside me, and you enter

it as easily as breathing in

I would like to be the air

that inhabits you for a moment

only. I would like to be that unnoticed

& that necessary.

- Margaret Atwood, “Variation on the Word Sleep”

What Am I Thankful For......

2011-11-24T11:17:00.000-06:00

Well these last two years have been tough. No, yes, tough and painful.

What am I thankful for.....I am thankful to have had 10 years of marriage to a man, the first time I laid eyes on him I said I was going to marry him. I did, four months after we met. The last year of our marriage before he passed away, was very difficult. We had differences that we could not work out. But I would not do anything differently. I would do it all over again. In a heartbeat. I am thankful that I had this time with him.

I am thankful for my brother. Who has been there for me. We haver our differences. But he was there.

I am thankful to have had a cat (yest a cat) for those months just after my husband passed away. He was my constant companion, my pillow to cry on, the only reason I looked forward to coming home in the evening.

I am thankful for my friends, my co-conspirators at work. Without these women, I would not have made it. They understood when in the middle of the day, tears would come out of the blue.

I am thankful for an herbal shower (yes!) where I can (even today) cry and cry and cry. The herbs and the hot water seem so cathartic.

I am thankful for finding old classmates and and renewing those friendships.

I am thankful for knowing someone, who, well let's just say, is the other half of my soul. Someone I care deeply for. Someone I carry deep inside of my heart. I would like to think that if we had been given the chance, it would have been pure magic There are those we love. And then there are those that we love, deeply, endlessly for all time, throughout the ages. This man is that love.

I am thankful for being who I am. I am thankful for the pain, yes the pain, that I have had to go through. For without that pain I would not be who I am or where I'm at in my life right now.

I am thankful for my God, for without Him, I don't know where I would be. Thank You.

By the Light of a Blue Lamp

2011-10-30T02:32:00.000-05:00

Hello, my dear one

It seems our paths have crossed once again.

The last time together seems so long ago,

So many worlds away from now.

And yet, not that long ago.

We parted, my dear one, on not the best of terms.

Both of us wounding the other deeply.

I thought that I had put you out of my mind, my heart.

And yet, like the mist that rolls in over the hills,

You have slowly drifted back in.

My dear one,

I write this by the light of a blue lamp

The meloncholy blue

that floats around me when I think of you.

That meloncholy blue of what if, what could have been.

I want to wish upon stars for your kiss,

I want to whisper your name to the shadows at midnight,

I want to cry out to the moon for your touch upon me,

I want to.....I want to.......

My dear one, I want to know you again.

By the light of a blue lamp,

This meloncholy blue lamp, I write these words

Hoping they find their way to you

My dear one, I am so deeply sorry

I am so deeply sorry for the pain I have caused you

I am sorry for not being who or what you wanted

I am sorry for words said in pain and anger

I am sorry for never having the chance

To show you how much you mean to me

My dear one, I write this to you

These words are all I have

Please forgive this scribe

For putting down these words

By the light of a blue lamp.

JINKEES! It’s Halloween!

2011-10-21T10:13:00.000-05:00

Early celebrations of Halloween marked a holiday that (over time) combined ancient Celtic practices and the religious beliefs of Roman Catholics.

The very first traces of Halloween come from the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain. Two thousand years ago, the Celts celebrated their New Year on November 1st, a date coinciding with the end of the harvest and the beginning of the long, cold Winter season—a time of year that regularly brought death to the village.

Ancient villagers believed that on the last night of Autumn’s bountiful harvest, the boundary (the veil) between the living and the dead opened up, leaving departed spirits free to walk amongst the living. [It was also believed that these wandering, restless, disembodied souls could help them (druids for the most part) "predict the future". The resulting predictions sometimes dictated how the villagers conducted their lives throughout the subsequent harsh winter.]

During the combined celebration of Samhain and the Celtic New Year, the Celts wore costumes. (Halloween has long been thought of as a day when the dead can return to the earth; the ancient Celts would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off the “roaming ghosts”.)

Over time, the Celtic holiday of Samhain merged with the Catholic “Hallowmas” period of “All Saints’ Day” and “All Souls’ Day”—with resulting, multiple influences upon the modern holiday of Halloween.

During the 19th century, Halloween began to lose its religious connotations, becoming a more secular community-based children’s holiday, eventually making its way to America.

As the years passed, American immigrants began to follow the Irish/English tradition of dressing in costume and going from house-to-house to ask for money or food: “Trick-or-treat, trick-or-treat! Give me something good to eat!”

So, until we meet again, dear friends, be sure to lock your doors and bolt your windows! Halloween is in the air, and I hear that there are some very foul creatures afoot.

“When witches go riding, and black cats are seen, the moon laughs and whispers, tis near Halloween.” (Author Unknown)

"Witchy Woman"

2011-10-08T07:05:00.000-05:00

Raven hair and ruby lips

sparks fly from her finger tips

Echoed voices in the night

she's a restless spirit on an endless flight

wooo hooo witchy woman, see how

high she flies

woo hoo witchy woman she got

the moon in her eye

She held me spellbound in the night

dancing shadows and firelight

crazy laughter in another

room and she drove herself to madness

with a silver spoon

woo hoo witchy woman see how high she flies

woo hoo witchy woman she got the moon in her eye

Well I know you want a lover,

let me tell your brother, she's been sleeping

in the Devil's bed.

And there's some rumors going round

someone's underground

she can rock you in the nighttime

'til your skin turns red

woo hoo witchy woman

see how high she flies

woo hoo witchy woman

she got the moon in her eye

2011-09-30T01:24:00.000-05:00

These are a few things I know about me:

I love to dance in the moonlight.
I love to dance in the rain.
I like ice cold root beer on a hot summer night
I like Darjeeling tea
I like hot chocolate on a cold winter night
I prefer Fall to Summer
I love to hear the sound of, and see geese flying overhead
I love fog
I prefer night to day
I love snowy owls
I like to cuddle with the one I love
I like a man with deep intelligence and a little sarcastic wit
I have a thing for blue eyes
I have a thing for men in uniform ( preferably military)
I have a thing for an Irish accent
Chinese or Italian food? Chinese
Italian or Mexican food? Italian
I love the sound of a wolf's howl.
I love the purr of a cat.
I like the unconditional love of a dog
I prefer the written word
I prefer a book over a Kindle
If I could, I would travel the world
I love a good mystery
I am as curious as a cat
I am sometimes as mysterious as a cat
I worry too much
I feel things deeply (sometimes too deeply)
I can be a perfectionist at work
I sometimes like being alone
I sometimes can't stand being alone
I don't swim
I love the sound of water
I love being around water.
I don't drink, except for a glass of wine on occasion, and even rarer margarita if out with the girls
I don't smoke, never have
I don't do drugs, never have
I like antiques and vintage items
I love music
I love art
I love photography
I am a quiet person, but will open up once I get to know someone
I like someone who can make me laugh, really laugh
I cry very easily ( even at sappy commercials)
I like to cook
I like to play Scrabble
I play way to much Solitaire
I am a Spiritual person
I can sit for hours an look at the night sky and ponder many things
......I like someone who can make me laugh, really laugh........

Once Upon A Time

2011-09-10T18:20:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time, there was a girl, who lived in the land of dreams unreal.

Once upon time her hopes had diedm no one left to hear her futile cry. No place left to hide.

Once upon a dream a man would come and give her everything she wants and loves. But in the morning she’ll awake and bitterness will surround her.

Once upon a time Cinderella said to Snow White “How did love get so off course. All I wanted was a white knight with a good heart, soft touch, fast horse. Ride me off into the sunset. Baby I’m forever yours.

Once Upon A Time……..

Conversation with, Letter to God

2011-08-20T17:09:00.000-05:00

I pray to God everyday. God and I have conversations. He's a good Listener. And his advice/answers/responses are, shall we say, on the money. But sometimes, I feel if I put down in writing, what I wish to say, it's out there, floating around in the infinite unknown, and know I really need some guidance (not that He doesn't know that already). Call it a letter to God.

So God, I am so tired. Tired of feeling lost, alone, hidden, abandoned. I have placed these feeling upon myself, not You.

I am lost because the people that I would turn to for support (besides You) through this are gone. They joined You in your Beautiful Home.

I am alone and hidden because I have pulled within myself away from people. To get close to people means that I will get hurt. I don't want to get hurt again. And yet, I want to get out of this house, have fun again, meet people, move on. And yet I feel guilty for feeling this way. I should not want to get out, have fun. I am in mourning. How long do I have to mourn until it's OK to move on?

I feel abandoned. This one, this one is all the others rolled up and tied with a bow. I feel abandoned because I am lost, alone, hidden. I need another living, breathing person to talk to, to laugh with, to cry with, to be happy with, to be sad with. The one person I had that with, for the good or bad we went through, the arguing we did, that one person is gone. That one person I realize, let me let loos all my emotions on, no matter what came up. I do not have that anymore.

Yes, I have friends. But with friends, you put on a brave face and let them see that you are getting through this, moving on, being brave. You don't let them see the underside, the emotional wreck you've become. It's not a pretty sight. One you don't want your friend to see. One they don't really want to see either.

I am not really asking for anything God. Just wanted to lay down this heavy load that I carry. My mother always said You were the one that would help carry the load when I couldn't do it anymore by myself. Even though she's with You now, I still listen to my mother.

The Emotions of Grief

2011-08-02T16:27:00.000-05:00

It is not often that I talk to others about my grief, let alone write about it, but there are times when I need to let out what I hold inside. Today is one of those days. I have gone through all the emotions of grief at least once, if not twice in these past months. Fear, denial, sadness, hopelessness. These have been my constant companions. My silent companions.

Today anger moved in.

I am angry. Angry at hime for leaving so utterly alone. Angry at him for not taking care of himself. Angry at him for leaving me to handle all of the problems. Angry at him for making me make the decision to turn off the ventilator.

I am angry at myself.

Angry at myself for feeling angry at him. Angry at myself for not feeling like I can go another step. Angry at myself for not noticing the signs. Angry for not pushing him to take care of himself. Angry for the continuous arguments that we had prior to his death. Angry at myself for making the decision to turn off the ventilator.
Angry at myself for being tired, not sleeping, not eating, crying, laughing, having a good day, having a bad day.

I am angry at myself for surviving.

Sometimes I don't want to feel anything. But I know that if I don't feel these emotions. Go through these emotions. I will not heal. I will not move forward. I will not survive.

And so, I let these emotions wash over me. I feel each and every one of them. As many times as it takes. As many tears as I can cry. To move forward. To heal. To survive.

Passport To My Heart

2011-07-29T17:48:00.000-05:00

In my life, I believe it is very important to pay attention to the things I find myself continuously drawn to. When something keeps tapping at my shoulder, whether it be a place, a photo, a book, a person, a movie, a
song, an activity ~ I believe there is a reason why. Perhaps that tug is leading me to a big or small piece to my journey, a place I have yet to explore, or need to understand. Maybe it is part of the map leading me to
a connection my soul has been begging for. Or maybe that tap is helping me to discover more beauty to fill my heart.

I Am A Child of the Moon and the Stars

2011-07-27T18:13:00.000-05:00

Fortune Teller can you see,

What my future's going to be

You can see it all in your crystal ball, tell me,

Tell me, tell me,

What you see.

I went to the Fortune Teller the other day. I needed to get out of the house. Have some fun. Not expecting anything. Not seeking anything. Just wanted out of my self-inflicted exile.

The room was cheery and cozy. Not at all what I expected. The Fortune Teller was an older woman, Still beautiful. Dark hair with glints of gray. Laughing dark eyes. She told me to sit and asked what could she do for me today. All I told her was that I was just looking for a way to pass the afternoon. Nothing more. She said that was fine, and she pulled out her Tarot cards. We sat in silence as she shuffled and spread them out on the table. She then began to read the cards. She told me the usual things that one always expects when getting your fortune told. Good luck, bad luck, lucky in love, unlucky in love, new job, new home. etc.

It was just what I had expected. A pleasant and fun way to pass the afternoon. When she was done and I paid my small fee and thanked her, I stood up to leave and she followed me to the door. at this point she took my hand in hers and said to me:

"You are a child of the Moon and the Stars. Born under a Water Sign. In the Eleventh House.

Upheaval has been lurking in your life for so long now, you feel lost. You have closed off. Shut down. You don't or won't let anyone in. You've rebuilt that wall around you and your heart you had once torn down.

That door is closing. A new one is opening. Old is leaving. New is coming. Some doors you thought were closed will open back up. Be willing to let this happen. You may be surprised at what that door has behind it. That wall uou built will crumble. It is beginning to crumble. You are a child of the Moon and the Stars. Trust in them to protect you and to guide you. Life will return, is returnng to your soul. Let it come. Welcome it."

I left there breathless. I never told her about anything that I have been through this past year and half, and yet in these parting words to me, she summed up how I felt, how I was feeling, how I wanted to feel. I went home and that night I was restless. I paced the floor. I was like a caged wild animal. I needed to get outside. So, at around 1:30 am I stepped out onto my patio. The night was hot, humid, but it felt wonderful to be outside.The walls of my apartment were closing in on me. I looked up into the night sky. There is was. The most beautiful Full Moon I have ever seen. And stars. Stars just seem to fill the sky. And I knew. The Fortune Teller was right. I believe things are going to get better. I look forward to whatever new doors (or old) open up.

I am a child of the Moon and the Stars. Born under a Water Sign in the Eleventh House.

On-Line with God

2011-07-26T06:03:00.000-05:00

Siting here at the Nameless, sun streaming in the windows, chatting with God on the laptop, love wordlessly pointing out how sweet the music is, how exquisitely enchanting the light. As the sun caresses the table it brings out the deep red and gold hues in the wood. How many conversations at this table? How many cups of coffee or tea? How many stories? I watch the light move slowly across the room. The pace is slow here at the Nameless this morning. Relaxed. The atmosphere settled. Sunday morning, but really, in here, it feels like eternity - a sweet, settled eternity. Everyone here is finding their way, in their own time and season. While they patiently wait for God, they drink coffee and tea. The waitress brings plates of warm goodies. When things settle, an easy loving-kindness emerges. I look around and find nothing sacred. Then again, there is nothing ordinary here either.

God just popped up! Since I had a good connection, I took the liberty of asking that ageless question, "Who or what are you?" The Beloved's reply: "I don't know."

I wrote back, "I knew it!" and we both had a good laugh at my choice of words.

Then, silence. You know, that still, silent, warm Presence that is so...

so...
... Beloved

On Fear, Trust and Learning to Fly

2011-07-25T19:06:00.000-05:00

I turned around today and saw the past year slipping off into the distance. Last year at this time I had just lost my father. I was emerging from a very difficult and dark time in my life and finally making peace with the loss of my mother the year before. I was beginning to make a move that I'd longed for for awhile. It wasn't ideal; but it was my decision, and I was beginning to feel good about the decision. Who knew that in just three short months, I would suddenly lose my husband also.

Suddenly it's a full year later and I feel a little frazzled, a little edgy, a little on the verge, if you know what I mean. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm okay right where I am for the moment. I am here and I have a roof over my head, and life, well life is my oyster again. I'm grateful for all these things,

I lost so much a year and half ago. I lost my mother, my father, and my husband. I also lost all confidence in myself. Truly. All of it. I felt utterly alone and desolate. This has been a year and half of trying again. And again. Much good has come of it. I still feel the losses daily, but I make myself try harder. It's an old cliche about picking yourself up and dusting yourself off, but cliches are born from truths worth repeating.

This apartment has sheltered me while I've reinvented my life. In my heart that makes it the best of homes. And when I feel afraid of failing again, which I do almost daily, I look out the patio door. There's that flightless (for the moment) baby bird, making its way across the roofline, guided by its mother, but trusting in its own two feet.

I Love Paris

2011-07-24T09:30:00.000-05:00

A love affair that has been going on for quite awhile now.......oh how I love Paris................

I love Paris in the spring time,

I love Paris in the fall,

I love Paris in the winter when it drizzles,

I love Paris in the summer when it sizzles,

I love Paris every moment

Every moment of the year

I love Paris, why oh why do I love Paris

Because my love is near.

Fortune Teller

2011-07-23T11:38:00.000-05:00

Went to the fortune teller

To have my fortune read

I didn't what to tell her

I had a dizzy feeling in my head

Said she'd take a look at my palm

Said "Son do you feel kind of warm?"

And she looked into her crystal ball

Said "You're in love."

Said it could not be so,

Not with all the girls I know.

Said when the next one arrives

Looking into her eyes.

I left there in a hurry

Much to my big surprise

The next thing I discovered

The fortune teller told me lies

So I ran back to that woman

Mad as I could be

Told her I didn't see nobody

How she made a fool out of me

At last something shook me

As if it came down from above

And now the fortune teller

And I fell in love

Ain’t We Got Fun

2011-07-17T01:08:00.000-05:00

Here's a little ditty that I think fits in fine in these times just as it did back then:

Every morning Every evening

Ain’t we got fun

Not much money Oh but honey

Ain’t We Got Fun

The rent’s unpaid dear

We have’nt a bus

But smiles were made dear

For people like us

In the winter In the summer

Don’t we have fun

Times are bum and getting bummer

Still we have fun

There’s nothing surer

The rich get rich and the poor get children

In the meantime In between time

Ain’t we got fun

Every morning Every evening

Don’t we got fun

They've cut my wages

Income tax will be so much smaller

When I'm paid off

I'll be laid off

Ain't we got fun

Landlords mad and getting madder

Ain’t we got fun

Times are bad and getting badder

Still we have fun

There’s nothing surer

The rich get rich and the poor get laid off

In the meantime In between time

Ain’t we got fun

Train Long Gone

2011-07-10T08:21:00.000-05:00

Gone -

Well I hate how that word rattles all around in this room

Alone -

Well his memory's so strong I can sweep it up with a broom

Tears -

If I shed any more I'm afraid they might wear out my face

Clear -

Yes it's clear to me now that his love can never be replaced

Because, love may be gone but never forgotten

His memory won't leave you alone

And the, train may be long gone from the station

But you, still hear the whistle moan

Still hear the whistle moan

Dear Diary......Dark Moon

2011-07-07T02:07:00.000-05:00

The new moon has arrived once again, marking the passing of time. With this comes the desire, once again, to strike out and try something new. I just don’t know what that new thing should be. I haven’t had the time or patience to sit and start work on something that has been spinning in my head for a time, fiction spun from places and experiences close to me. It seems the interruptions of life are too strong at present, and I wonder when, if ever, they will allow me the time to travel down that road.

Impatience is something I have had to work with throughout my life, not waiting well for things that seem now to test me and ask me to wait even longer. Perhaps this is my “lesson” for this life, patience. Some days are easier than others, some spent content with the cares of everyday life knowing one day it will all come to me. Others are spent searching for the things that continue to elude me, wondering if this is all there is. Certainly the beauty of the day is something to hold and the sunlight on the meadow and the stars in the sky keep me thankful for each moment I am given.

Tonight I think I will try and journey with this new moon. Often we see the most when the moon hides her face from us, the darkness revealing her secrets to us. Until then I will listen to the quiet patter of the rain and work my way through the list of things that sit waiting for me.

It is so very, very hard to enjoy anthing.......

2011-07-04T13:22:00.000-05:00

It is so very, very hard to enjoy anything right now. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. Nothing. I feel nothing but emptiness. Loneliness. Sorrow. I try very hard not to cry, but sometimes, sometimes the tears just come............It's been 1 year 8 months since my mother passed away, 1 year sine my father passed away and 9 months since my husband passed away. So much loss in such a short time, I do not know how I even make it out of bed each day.

Week-ends are hard, but I know they only last two days and then I can go back to work. But a holiday like this one, where I have four days off.....this is a killer for me. Memories come and all I want to do is not remember.

When will it not be so very, very hard...........When?!

‘I Know Where I’m Going!’

2011-07-02T10:53:00.000-05:00

Knowing my love for all things Scotland, I look for things that nurture this love. I discovered this movie the other night. I’d never seen (or heard of, to be honest). What a pleasure — on many levels. This is the tale of a headstrong young woman, Joan Webster, flawlessly played by Dame Wendy Hiller, who knows from childhood exactly what she wants from life and how to achieve it. As the film begins, she tells her father over dinner that she is going on a trip to the Hebrides, where she is to be married on a remote island to an older, enormously wealthy industrialist. This is news to poor old Dad, who sputters, “You can’t marry Consolidated Chemical Industries!” to which she blithely replies, “Can’t I?” So off she goes on her perfectly arranged trip in a perfectly arranged train compartment with her perfectly packed luggage — including her bridal gown.

She arrives on the Isle of Mull to take a ferry to the island where the ceremony will take place. And then the plans go awry. A gale wind arises, preventing the ferry from coming, and she is stuck on the rustic island. She meets the engaging Torquil MacNeil (the delightful Robert Livesey), a local laird who watches out for her, to her slightly amused disinterest. He shows her about Mull, introducing her to some of the people and their simple way of life, noting, in response to one of her observations, that they aren’t poor; they “just don’t have any money” — not at all like the man of her dreams (or schemes).

Determined to reach the wedding island despite the weather, she persuades a young man to take her, heedless of the risks, which include skirting an enormous marine whirlpool. MacNeil insists on going. Of course the weather gets worse, of course they are almost wrecked in the whirlpool. And yes, she throws over her original plan and stays to marry MacNeil.

It sounds so predictable. But it is utterly engaging, beautifully photographed, rich with the scenes of the incomparable Hebrides, which are glorious even in black and white (Michael Powell and his partner Emeric Pressburger made the film in 1945, when there was a shortage of Technicolor stock), and so appealing in its ability to shatter the certainty with which the young Joan sallies forth.

Don’t we all so often set out with certainty when we embark on a journey, tickets and itineraries in hand, passports stamped, heads as full of expectations as our luggage is full of clothes? And yet, just as often, we experience sights, people and events that we could not have anticipated and that can become the most treasured memories of a trip. I love this movie because it captures that possibility, not just in the boundaries of a single trip, but within the very horizons of our lives.

I look forward to watching this enchanting movie again.

2011-06-29T18:54:00.000-05:00

Shhhhhh... Do You Hear It?

They're warming up...

I think the concert is about to start!

2011-06-25T10:39:00.000-05:00

"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore..."

--Edgar Allen Poe, The Raven

2011-06-24T20:33:00.000-05:00

I take

armfuls of butterfly memories to keep me warm,

but I fear: I cannot hold on

swallowtails, monarchs, birdwings:

a flood of colour fills the air

la fin n'a pas de fin

(the end has no end).

Farewell, the evening shadows are arriving -

you, you, you translucent, intangible,

I crave you, but -

the darkness

and ghosts

here, again.

2011-06-22T17:20:00.000-05:00

There are crevices in her heart - filled with the dust of aging knowledge;

plethoric with words too heavy to crawl across her skin at night.

'I have become imbued with symbolic meaning,' she cried,

'Hark! I am but a hastily-drawn portrait of the human condition -'

And the moon offered no comfort, for it was truth

life had endowed her the fragility of human spirit

and left her weeping in despair, if that:

glass bones and cobwebbed hair

left her esoteric (understood by few)

with only feathered friends (who flew away anyway).

And time was wasted so eloquently;

the sun was silk

the night was velvet

so she spun dresses of both, and swallowed the needle

to disappear completely.

2011-06-21T17:20:00.000-05:00

I havespent months running from the heavy, heavy realisation that I have lost someone I love.

'I am okay' and I will repeat that, stubborn mantra, childhood wish, until it is true.

Sometimes I just lie in bed and hear my heart beat; the bittersweet reassurance that I am still here. And I wait - beating back doubts and insecurities and overwhelming expectations from everyone I know - I seek comfort in the arms of Morpheus.

So, hello, I am alive.

I was struggling, perhaps I still am, but truthfully

I am too tired these days to put up a fight.

I need to remember all I have and all I know:

those I love, and where I'll go.

Dear Diary

2011-06-20T18:14:00.000-05:00

Our innocence walked the plank that year. We were no longer children.

One by one, we experienced the inevitable growth into a new world. We were introduced to war and broken hearts. Some built invisible ice castles around their fears, and others grew hearts even colder. Spilt milk did not cause tears, but secondhand smoke did. Adulthood arrived, and there was to be an endless battle between tragedy and beauty, to the point that both would merge and soon everything would be a bit of both. We were all beautiful tragedies, alive and lonely.

Lilac Nights and Days

2011-06-19T17:12:00.000-05:00

Take them then, my curls, and stay a while 'til morning; leave me with blue skies and your boots by the door...

I woke this morning in those moments before dawn; the world still, pale and a thousand shades of blue, that blackbird the only sound. It made me itch for blank notebooks and fresh sheets, steaming tea in the early light and the scent of lilacs and salt on the breeze... Today the sky is white not blue and the wind blows in from the south, whispering in foreign tongues and making promises it will never keep.

As usual I'm surrounded by papers, piled high or pinned to walls, I need to find some order to it, stitch it all together somehow. I always work this way, I leave the narratives strung across my studio walls, catching the light and the breeze until the last possible moment, it's the fear that if I put them in order and hand them over that no one else will see what I see...

The house smells like summer and the lost boys are waiting for me to finish the story but there hasn't been a star in the sky for three days... Today I love blueberry cake for breakfast and those swallows flying home. I love slow food and slow travel, slow days and slower nights. I love, love and all its kindness and loathe bitter words, hurtful and cruel. Today the woman I want to be has long dark hair, she is kindness and bravery and she shares beauty like other women share candy. She can finish that story, she can close her eyes and know his heart and she doesn't ever doubt...

Inspiration

2011-06-12T09:36:00.000-05:00

I've been reading inspirational quotes from the amazing Maya Angelou and here just a few that I found to be beautiful.

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man needs to seek Him in order to find her."

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style"

"Be a rainbow in someone else's cloud."

"You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anybody."

"Everything in the universe has a rhythm, everything dances. "

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. "

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain."

"The problem I have with haters is that they see my glory, but they don't know my story..."
"All great achievements require time."

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better."

-Maya Angelou

An Open Book

2011-06-05T08:36:00.000-05:00

I don’t know exactly what it is about books that enchant me so, but I could spend hours in a book store especially a vintage one just looking at the covers and bindings alone. And the smell....the smell of books. You just can't get that smell and touch of a book with a Kindle.

The obsession doesn’t stop there…reading has always been a favorite past time of mine especially during the summer months. That being said, its probably obvious what my other obsession would be, libraries…in home ones to be exact.

I promised myself years ago that I WOULD have a great in home library that was a place to escape, discover, and imagine. Of course just setting up some bookshelves works just fine too, the idea of a room that is devoted to books, your books, in your own home........

These are not even close to what my “library” looks like but they are visions of what I hope it will one day. thanks for the inspiration!

Delicious Bite-Sized Fantasies

2011-05-28T17:39:00.000-05:00

“That day, I had no where to go but your door.”

“Stay here tonight. Home is far. The walk, dangerous. The night, cold.”

And you're not trying to catch a breath.

You're trying to inhale someone else's.

Born To Be Blue

2011-05-15T09:56:00.000-05:00

Maybe I'm wrong
Maybe I'm right
Maybe I just don't know
Will I ever fall in love
And never have to worry
That I'm fallin' all alone
Maybe It's true
I was just born to be blue
Maybe It's true
I was just born to be blue

They say everybody's got someone
A sweet somebody to love
It might be fate or destiny
Baby written in the stars above
But I can't help but wonder
After all that I've been through
Maybe my baby's no where to be found
And I was just born to be blue
Was I born to be unhappy
Just to live on heartache street
Was I born to go to bed each night
And cry myself to sleep
Can somebody out there help me
Give me some kind of clue
Tell me I'm wrong
Tell me I'm right
But don't tell me I was born to be blue

They say nobody dies from a heartache
You can't drown in your own tears
Who wants to live in this world alone
Where minutes turn into years
So I'd rather go down than leavin'
Suffer a heartache or two
Tell me I'm wrong
Tell me I'm right
But don't tell me I was born to be blue

Was I born to be blue
Born just to cry
Born to be alone 'til the day I die
Somebody tell me
Was I born to be loved
Born to be kissed
Born to find the one
To show me what I missed
Was I born to be blue
Born just to cry
Born to be alone 'til the day I die
Tell me mama
Was I born to be loved
Born to be kissed
Born to find the one
To show me what I missed

I Have Learned

2011-05-09T12:59:00.000-05:00

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style"

Maya Angelou

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Jeanette MacDonald (1903–1965)

2011-05-08T10:34:00.000-05:00

Jeanette MacDonald began her career at age 6, where she had small roles in theaters and operas. By age 13, she was winning singing contests along the eastern United States. Jeanette was a very talented operatic singer/lyrical soprano, with a wide vocal range, E above high C, close to 3 octaves. Her talent soon was spotted by Ernst Lubitsch, and she signed with Paramount early in 1929 to star in the Lubitsch-Chevalier film, The Love Parade (1929). She was 25 years old. After making several films at Paramount, Fox and UA, Irving Thalberg convinced her to come to MGM in 1933. Jeanette soon became known as The Iron Butterfly, for she was one of the most lady-like and beautiful women on the MGM lot, but when it came to her contracts, she was tough and could strike a deal quickly that suited her. Jeanette was a striking red-head, with big blue eyes and this made her an interest to many men at the studio. In 1935, MacDonald was paired with, Nelson Eddy in Naughty Marietta (1935). They were a smash-hit. The pair made eight pictures together, from then on forever known as America's Singing Sweethearts. On June 17, 1937, Jeanette married actor Gene Raymond, in a spectacular Hollywood fashion - it was the best attended wedding of the decade. The marriage lasted 28 years till her death in 1965. After making Cairo (1938), Jeanette left MGM to pursue other interests. In 1943, she made her operatic debut in Montreal, Canada. In 1944, she began working in theatre and on stage, starring in such musicals as The King and I, and gave numerous sold out concerts. In 1948, MacDonald returned to MGM to make her last two films, Three Daring Daughters (1948), with 'Jane Powell' and The Sun Comes Up (1949). The 1950's were spent mainly resting due to her weakening heart although she and Nelson Eddy teamed on television. Their renewed popularity led to a 1958 record album with Nelson Eddy singing their favorite songs. The album went gold. Now more than 30 years after her death, MacDonald still has a large and loyal fan following.

Peonies

2011-05-01T10:30:00.000-05:00

I just love how voluptuous and petalsome peonies are. They remind me of a little girl's petticoat, or a 1950s debutant in her white ballgown. I love the ants that scurry all over the flowers, and the way the entire room becomes scented with a particular spicy-sweet smell. There is nothing like the fragrance of a peony.

Peonies

This morning the green fists of the peonies

are getting ready to break my heart

as the sun rises,

as the sun strokes them with his old, buttery fingers

and they open -

pools of lace,

white and pink -

and all day the black ants climb over them,

boring their deep and mysterious holes

into the curls,

craving the sweet sap,

taking it away

to their dark, underground cities -

and all day

under the shifty wind,

as in a dance to the great wedding,

the flowers bend their bright bodies,

and tip their fragrance to the air,

and rise,

their red stems holding

all that dampness and recklessness

gladly and lightly,

and there it is again -

beauty the brave, the exemplary,

blazing open.

Do you love this world?

Do you cherish your humble and silky life?

Do you adore the green grass, with its terror beneath?

Do you also hurry, half-dressed and barefoot,

into the garden and softly,

and exclaiming of their dearness,

fill your arms with the white and pink flowers,

with their honeyed heaviness, their lush trembling,

their eagerness

to be wild and perfect for a moment, before they are

nothing, forever?

~ by Mary Oliver

Fairy Tale High

2011-04-29T15:47:00.000-05:00

On a fairy tale high

Don't you believe that your dreams all come true

The fairy tale world inside can bring it to you

You just have to wish, and you'll take off and fly

On a fairy tale high, fairy tale high

Fairy tale high, fairy tale high

On a fairy tale high

Just look around you, the dark clouds are far

Stand on your tiptoes, and reach for a star

As stardust comes sprinkling, it will brighten your eyes

On a fairy tale high, fairy tale high

Fairy tale high, fairy tale high

Fairy tale high, fairy tale high, fairy tale high

On a fairy tale high, feeling higher and higher

Random Thoughts

2011-04-24T17:57:00.000-05:00

Wearing comfortable shoes makes dancing the night away a whole lot easier

I could easily eat french toast with honey for breakfast everyday

Spending some time alone can be so good for the mind

A simple salon trim and treatment can save my hair from feeling sad & dry

I need to worry less and remember: " Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. It empties today of its strength." - Corrie Ten Boom

I am very forgetful lately -I need to make bigger notes and actually read them

Life is too short to not wear all your "fancy" jewellery more often

Though I really want a Kindle, I doubt I could ever stop browsing around book shops (especially second hand book shops)

This is so true: ."...Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it is good only for wallowing in." -Katherine Mansfield

Finishing one great book can reignite my passion for reading

I need more closet space asap - i'm just too messy without space to hide stuff

My new glasses sometimes slide down my nose slightly - it's a bit annoying

Having someone in my life that will make up silly songs with me is wonderful

Swing Down Sweet Chariot

2011-04-23T17:22:00.000-05:00

Well, well, well, well

Why don’t you swing down chariot, stop and let me ride

Swing down chariot, stop and let me ride

Rock me, Lord, rock me, Lord, calm and easy

I’ve got a home on the other side

Swing, swing, swing

Well, Ezekiel was out in the middle of the field

He said he saw an angel with a chariot wheel

He wasn’t too particular about the chariot wheel

He just wanted to see how a chariot feels

Why don’t you swing down chariot, stop and let me ride

Swing down chariot, stop and let me ride

Rock me, Lord, rock me, Lord, calm and easy

I’ve got a home on the other side

Swing, swing, swing, swing, swing, swing

Well, Ezekiel went down and he got on board

The chariot went bumping on down the road

Zeke wasn’t particular about the bumpin’ of the road

He just wanted to lay down his heavy load

Why don’t you swing down chariot, stop and let me ride

Swing down chariot, stop and let me ride

Rock me, Lord, rock me, Lord, calm and easy

I’ve got a home on the other side

Well, I got a Father in the promised land and I ain’t stopping till I shake His hand

Rock me, Lord, rock me, Lord, calm and easy

I got a home on the other side

Swing down, sweet chariot, stop and let me ride

Swing down chariot, stop and let me ride

Rock me, Lord, rock me, Lord, calm and easy

I’ve got a home on the other side

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

2011-04-21T17:32:00.000-05:00

I have climbed highest mountain

I have run through the fields

Only to be with you

I have run

I have crawled

I have scaled these city walls

These city walls

Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips

Felt the healing in her fingertips

It burned like fire

This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels

I have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night

I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come

Then all the colors will bleed into one

Bleed into one

Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you

Loosed the chains

Carried the cross

Of my shame

You know I believed it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

"Baby Did A Bad Bad Thing"

2011-04-20T19:14:00.000-05:00

Baby did a bad bad thing, baby did a bad bad thing.

You ever love someone so much you thought your little heart was gonna break in two?

I didn't think so.

You ever tried with all your heart and soul to get you lover back to you?

I wanna hope so.

You ever pray with all your heart and soul just to watch her walk away?

Baby did a bad bad thing, baby did a bad bad thing.

Baby did a bad bad thing, feel like crying, feel like crying.

You ever toss and turn your lying awake and thinking about the one you love?

I don't think so.

You ever close your eyes your making believe your holding the one your dreaming of?

Well if you say so.

I hurts so bad when you finally know just how low, low, low, low, low, she'll go.

Baby did a bad bad thing, baby did a bad bad thing.

Baby did a bad bad thing, feel like crying, feel like crying.

Ohh. Feel like crying, feel like crying.

Ohh, feel like crying, feel like crying.

Baby did a bad bad thing, baby did a bad bad thing.

CHRIS ISAAK

Flappers

2011-04-19T18:17:00.000-05:00

In Flaming Youth, Walter Fabian's best-selling novel about American young people, readers were introduced to a whole new breed of women: saucy, outspoken bombshells with short skirts, shorter hair and plenty of "It." "It" was nothing more than sex appeal – something women were not supposed to exhibit. In the 1920s, any girl who possessed "It" was called a Flapper. Flappers who liked dancing and syncopated music were known as Jazz Babies.

Flappers and Jazz Babies generally disdained convention and did as they pleased. Though many cartoonists portrayed the Flapper as ditzy, empty-headed and shallow, most were educated young women who were dealing with the disillusionment of postwar America and trying to forge their own paths in a new society. As such, cutting or “bobbing” the hair was considered a symbol of freedom as were short skirts and the absence of corsets.

Gradually, the Flapper look entered mainstream America. Single and married women in the cities and the country came to enjoy the comfort and ease of the new styles. The Flapper's signature hairstyle was given even more legitimacy in the late 1920s when First Lady Grace Coolidge cut off her long hair and adopted a short style.

The Jazz Age

2011-04-18T16:40:00.000-05:00

To me the Jazz Age signifies an age of freedom in thought and action. The average young person of today is not bound by the strict conventions which governed the actions of previous generations.

Unidentified Denver Coed, Sunset Magazine, 1926

The lifestyles of young men and women in the 1920s were as shocking to their Victorian-era parents as the 1960s "hippie" generation was to Americans who came of age during World War Two, or as "Generation Next" is to parents who grew up in the 1970s. Each succeeding generation seems to be born to shock its parents, and the children of the twenties were no exception.

In reaction to uncontrollable forces around them – war, science, society – young people everywhere sought answers in places once considered unthinkable, both morally and physically. Ellen Welles Page, a young woman writing in Outlook magazine in 1922, tried to explain why this was:

Most of us, under the present system of modern education, are further advanced and more thoroughly developed mentally, physically, and vocationally than were our parents at our age. … We have learned to take for granted conveniences, and many luxuries, which not so many years ago were as yet undreamed of. [But] the war tore away our spiritual foundations and challenged our faith. We are struggling to regain our equilibrium. … The emotions are frequently in a state of upheaval, struggling with one another for supremacy.

In their attempt to come to terms with their place in this new world, young people began acting out – trying to test their new boundaries with more and more outrageous forms of behavior. Wilder music, faster cars and shorter skirts were just a few symptoms of this strange postwar era called The Jazz Age.

Jazz Vocalist - Keely Smith

2011-04-17T06:23:00.000-05:00

These are my two favorite Keely Smith Songs

"Birth of the Blues" and

"Autumn Leaves"

Most well known as the straight duet partner of Louis Prima in the 1950s

As a solo jazz vocalist Keely sang mostly pop oriented material. Her greatest solo achievements were on albums for Capitol in the late 1950s backed by Nelson Riddle and Billy May

Beginning her career as the female singer in Louis Prima’s band, and later becoming famous as one half of their hugely successful Las Vegas lounge act, Keely Smith's early achievements were tied to someone or something else.

Now in her 70s, she has found the renewed interest and acknowledgment of her own talent to be immensely gratifying. "I’m thrilled that the resurgence is of my career by myself because for many years everything I did was with Louis, and now all of a sudden I’m being recognized on my own and that really is the ultimate for me," she recounted to the Los Angeles Times.

Throughout the 1950s, Louis Prima and Keely Smith were the undisputed King & Queen of Las Vegas and have been credited with essentially inventing the modern lounge act. Performing five shows a night at the Sahara’s Casbar Lounge, they became a huge draw for both the average blue-collar tourists as well as some of the biggest celebrities at that time. On any given night, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr., Spencer Tracy, Gary Cooper, Natalie Wood, Robert Wagner, Howard Hughes, and the young Senator John F. Kennedy could be found in the audience. Many of the show business elite would add to the audience’s enjoyment of the show by affably heckling the duo and sometimes even getting up on stage to join the act.

During this period, Capitol Records issued a series of chart-topping albums that consisted of abridged versions of Louis Prima and Keely Smith’s beloved nightclub act. In addition, Keely released I Wish You Love, a solo debut that confirmed her own star power by receiving a GRAMMY nomination and selling over a million copies. Keely’s appeal and renown is just as strong today, having survived several decades, various musical trends and the fickle nature of the entertainment industry. Actor Robert DeNiro and director Martin Scorcese have been long-time fans of Keely’s and over the years have placed her music in numerous films, including “The Deerhunter,” “Raging Bull,” “Analyze This,” “That Old Feeling,” “Big Night” and “Mad Dog and Glory.”

The revival of the swing movement in the late ‘90s inspired The Gap retail chain to use Louis Prima’s signature tune, "Jump, Jive and Wail" in one of its popular ad campaigns. This renewed interest in swing and big band music also led to an invitation for Keely to perform at the House of Blues in Los Angeles, where she sang to a jam-packed crowd of admirers, both young and old. Most recently, Keely has performed to SRO audiences across the country, including a five-night stop in Atlantic City and a stint at Feinstein’s at the Regency in New York City. Talks are currently underway to book Keely into Caesar’s in Las Vegas, bringing her back full circle to where it all began.

Keely Smith is currently writing her autobiography, which has been a work in progress for several years. "I started it about four years ago and then put it aside," she explains. "When I read it, I wasn’t sure if I liked what I had written, but now I’ve started on it again. I want to do it with complete honesty, or not at all." And there are certainly plenty of lifetime experiences to chronicle: winning one of the first-ever Grammy Awards in 1959, performing at President Kennedy’s inauguration, receiving a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and friendships with everyone from The Rat Pack to Elvis Presley.

"I have been very blessed in my life," says Keely Smith reflecting back. And as she looks towards the future, there are even more accolades to receive and sold-out shows still to come. In October of 2000 in Tahlequah, Oklahoma, The Cherokee Honor Society will bestow Keely with its prestigious Cherokee Medal of Honor. "It’s the highest recognition that can be bestowed to a woman in the Cherokee nation," she states proudly. The Medal of Honor is given out annually to recipients whose achievements bring pride and honor to the Cherokee nation and community.

The incomparable Tony Bennett has gone on record naming Keely Smith "one of the greatest jazz-pop singers of all time." What better candidate then to honor Count Basie, one of the greatest bandleaders of all time. Further expanding her audience and repertoire, Keely Smith once again pays tribute to an important figure in her life with class, respect, and above all, an immense display of pure talent. Merv Griffin says it best—“Keely is awesome!”

Shambala

2011-04-08T22:21:00.000-05:00

Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain

With the rain in Shambala

Wash away my sorrows, wash away my shame

With the rain in Shambala

*Ooooh... yeah

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah*

Everyone is helpful, everyone is kind

On the road to Shambala

Everyone is lucky, everyone is so kind

On the road to Shambala

How does your light shine

In the halls of Shambala

How does your light shine

In the halls of Shambala

I can tell my sister 'bout the flowers in her eyes

On the road to Shambala

I can tell my brother 'bout the flowers in his eyes

On the road to Shambala

How does your light shine

In the halls of Shambala

How does your light shine

In the halls of Shambala

Tell me how, how does your light shine

In the halls of Shambala

Tell me how, how does your light shine

In the halls of Shambala

2011-04-08T17:05:00.002-05:00

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Sunday Morning Pick Me Up - River of Dreams

2011-04-03T11:17:00.000-05:00

In the middle of the night

I go walking in my sleep

From the mountains of faith

To the river so deep

I must be lookin' for something

Something sacred i lost

But the river is wide

And it's too hard to cross

even though I know the river is wide

I walk down every evening and stand on the shore

I try to cross to the opposite side

So I can finally find what I've been looking for

In the middle of the night

I go walking in my sleep

Through the valley of fear

To a river so deep

I've been searching for something

Taken out of my soul

Something I'd never lose

Something somebody stole

I don't know why I go walking at night

But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore

I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life

Until I find what it is I've been looking for

(Three beat Pause)

In the middle of the night

I go walking in my sleep

Through the jungle of doubt

To the river so deep

I know I'm searching for something

Something so undefined

That it can only be seen

By the eyes of the blind

In the middle of the night (break)

I’m not sure about a life after this

God knows I've never been a spiritual man

Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river

That is runnin' through the promised land (Long Five beat Pause)

In the middle of the night

I go walking in my sleep

Through the desert of truth

To the river so deep

We all end in the ocean

We all start in the streams

We're all carried along

By the river of dreams

In the middle of the night

Nothingness

2011-03-26T16:26:00.000-05:00

I once had stable ground to stand on, but now who will I have to turn to? No one. I am alone and hopeless. Tortured and…and…nothing. No words can explain what I am, or better yet what I am not. I am nothing and I have no one. I have lost everyone, everyone who ever mattered. I will be left here to rot away and die. Consumed by the hungry beasts who already are beginning to eat away at my soul. Oh, God… oh God please help me. Please help me find strength and light in a time where I feel like I have none at all. Help me to put the light back in my eyes. Help me to just be okay and take away this wretching feeling in the pit of my stomach. Be here for me and show me that I’m not alone in this cruel world. That I have someone who actually could care for a person like me.

But do they know I have no one to depend on? Do they know I am self destructive and tourtured? Do they know that I am hurt, angry, sad, frustrated, and most importantly… alone? No. Because they never bother to ask. They have no idea what I’m going through.

Rise Stevens - American Mezzo Soprano

2011-03-20T12:36:00.000-05:00

I first heard Rise Stevens in "Going My Way" alongside costars Bing Crosby and Barry Fitzgerald.

Rise Stevens was the Met's leading mezzo from 1938 to 1961.
To begin with, her voice is simply gorgeous; her chiaroscuro is beautifully balanced, and her vocal control is fantastic (though a mezzo, she performs acrobatics one would expect from a great lyric soprano). There is also a rare natural intensity to her sound. Her Carmen ranks among the very best; contemporary reviewers described it as "earthy," "alluring," and "sublime." I prefer it to any other I have heard.

Her name is probably unknown to most of you. She is possibly the only major singer left from the glorious days of the Old Met.

She was born in New York City on 11 June 1913. From her debut at the Met in 193, until her retirement as a singer in 1961, she was not only the Met’s leading mezzo (virtually owning the roles of Carmen and Octavian), she was a superstar, appearing in opera, films, and in advertisements.

Here’s her biography from the Kennedy Center website; she was an honoree in 1990 for her “Lifetime Contributions to American Culture through the Performing Arts:”

“Mezzo-soprano Rise Stevens saved not only the day at more of than one performance of the Metropolitan Opera–in 1961 she saved the entire season. After the company had canceled its entire 1961-62 schedule due to stalled labor negotiations, a persuasive telegram from Rise Stevens convinced President Kennedy to intervene, and he ordered the Secretary of Labor to arbitrate the dispute. Just three weeks later, the entire season was reinstated on schedule. President Kennedy and the nation had been devoted fans of the Met’s reigning mezzo for almost a quarter of a century.

A pupil of Anna Schoen-Rane at the Julliard School, Stevens showed her famous independence and good judgement early on when she tuned down a tempting contract offer from the Met in the mid-30s in favor of developing her artistry in Europe. She returned to this country in 1938, making her debut with the Met on tour in Philadelphia as Octavian in Der Rosenkavalier. Later that same year, she made her New York Met debut as Mignon. From then until her retirement in 1961, she virtually owned many of the great mezzo roles, including Orpheus, Mozart’s Cherubino and Dorabella, Delilah of Biblical fame, La Giocanda’s Laura, and Orlofsky in Die Fledermaus. Her Carmen, a role she performed more often that any of her Met predecessors, was described as voluptuous, earthy, and white-hot in her alternating moods of passion and anger. Millions more fell in love with Stevens through her frequent radio appearances and the films The Chocolate Soldier with Nelson Eddy and Going My Way with Bing Crosby.

After her 1961 retirement from the Met as a performer, Stevens assumed several important roles in developing the future of opera in this country. She was named director of the Met’s brand new National Company, which was dedicated to taking opera to hundreds of American cities where opera was not available and to giving many young singers–and designers, conductors, and directors–their first chance at professional opera performances. She also served as president of the Mannes College of Music (1975-78) and rejoined the Met to direct its National Council Auditions from 1980 to 1988. For her numerous activities “in the discovery, training, and championing of young American singers,” Stevens was honored by the National Opera Institute in 1982.”

My bet is that those who remember her at her peak will find it hard to believe that she’s not better known today. For those of us who came after, the magnitude of her career can only be guessed at by examining the historical record. Her early career would be exceptional today; it was virtually unheard of in the 1930s. And there aren’t many opera singers today who appear in advertisements or Oscar-winning films.

I believe she’s the subject of one of my favorite “singer stories.” A reviewer of one of her early Met Octavians criticized her for her “faulty” German accent. Soon after, Ms. Stevens is reported to have met the reviewer in question, and began to speak to him in fluent German. He said “Pardon me, Miss Stevens, but I don’t speak German.” She reputedly said “You don’t? But I DO!”

Here she is in an excerpt from “Going My Way”, the highest-grossing film of 1944, winner of Oscars for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor, Best Screenplay, Best Story, Best Supporting Actor, Best Song, nominated for Best Cinematography and Best Film Editing. It’s also the only movie where an actor (Barry Fitzgerald) was nominated for BOTH Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor for the SAME role. (He won Best Supporting!)

I Am a Scorpio......

2011-03-19T10:01:00.000-05:00

Who Scorpio is: Let’s face it, pal, you’re looking at one of the most enigmatic signs in the zodiac - but also one of the most unfairly maligned. It’s true that Scorpios are intense, sensitive, magnetic, and powerful. And their secretive demeanor is legendary (though they’d prefer to be called discreet). But they’re as loyal as the day is long, exceptionally intuitive, energetic and will never pout or nag. In fact, you won’t even know they’re mad until you get that strange stinging sensation on the back of your neck and start feeling all poisony. You’ve been struck by the scorpion’s tail. Fierce in their convictions, Scorpios can be identified by their deep, piercing eyes and – unbeknownst to you – have probably hypnotized you into acting like a chicken on several occasions. If you think you know a Scorpio, think again. If you’ve managed to win a Scorpio’s trust and loyalty, you’re lucky. But watch it.

That which is above is as that which is below

2011-03-06T17:27:00.000-06:00

As I sit at my desk everyday darkness falls that little bit later.

Each day shows a new sign of Spring.

I'm not sure why but these last few days I've felt colder than I did when we had the snow and ice earlier in February.
At night when the house is silent and all except me are asleep I immerse myself in water. Physically and mentally. (Yes, I confess to being a shower/bath nymph) I could stay there for hours if I could, letting the water flow over me. And as it does I meander through the woods waiting to catch a flash of irridescence of a dragon or damselfly. Or dream of swimming in clear fish filled waters. Or having a picnic on a secret island with simple food such as cherries and a jug of milk.

Connection between ourselves and nature, is as my late night meandiring in the bath, also the theme of my latest painting as much of my work is.

I have named it 'As Above, So Below' This painting is about how we are all interconnected on the planet by a magic or lifespark that entwines us.

I called it this, as these words 'as above so below'came into my head as the painting took shape. It was quite strange really as it almost felt like something was telling me to call it this? The phrase seemed familiar to me and I had probably read it and locked it away in my store cupboard of a mind which I'm afraid I'm always losing the keys to. Anyway you well read folks probably know all about the origins of this phrase but I had to google it after it popped into my mind. And so I was quite taken aback when there it was saying the same as I was trying to portray just a of glimpse in my picture..

"The significance of this phrase is that it is believed to hold the key to all mysteries. All systems of magic are claimed to function by this formula. "'That which is above is the same as that which is below'...Macrocosmos is the same as microcosmos. The universe is the same as God, God is the same as man, man is the same as the cell, the cell is the same as the atom, the atom is the same as...and so on, ad infinitum."

You can read more here

Be warned, you will lose yourself along corridors of dusty doorways leading to a maze of ancient secrets and an emerald stone tablet that reveals the magical secrets of the universe. Wonderful!

Fat Tuesday: Mardi Gras

2011-03-05T10:58:00.000-06:00

Don’t forget next week is “Fat Tuesday”- By definition, "Mardi Gras" (mär`dē grä) & "Mardi Gras Season", in English, refer to events of the Carnival celebrations, ending the day before Ash Wednesday. From the French "Mardi Gras" (literally translates to "Fat Tuesday"), the term has come to mean the whole period of activity related to those events, beyond just the single day, often called Mardi Gras Day or Fat Tuesday

Geese At Midnight

2011-03-02T00:55:00.000-06:00

Half awake, half asleep, on the couch, I heard geese fly over. At midnight. A strange, and yet hauntingly beautiful sound. There is a pond nearby, but I have never heard them at night. It was, in a way, a quite reassuring sound. Some people think it is a lonely sound. I don't. I find comfort in the sound of geese flying over. Sometimes, I wish I could fly with them.

2011-02-20T23:30:00.000-06:00

Feeling a little lost right now. I have had to give up my furry companion. I am in an aprtment that does not allow pets. I had to give him up Saturday. He's been with me through all the loss I have suffered the last year and half. It was comforting to come home to him each evening. He was a cuddler. And he really knew when I needed cheering up. I miss him so much.

"Hands"

2011-02-18T03:16:00.000-06:00

If I could tell the world just one thing

It would be that we're all OK

And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful

And useless in times like these

I won't be made useless

I won't be idle with despair

I will gather myself around my faith

For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes

It didn't steal your laughter

And heartache came to visit me

But I knew it wasn't ever after

We'll fight, not out of spite

For someone must stand up for what's right

'Cause where there's a man who has no voice

There ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

I am never broken

In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

And I am never broken

My hands are small I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

And I am never broken

We are never broken

We are God's eyes

God's hands

God's mind

We are God's eyes

God's hands

God's heart

We are God's eyes

God's hands

God's eyes

We are God's hands

~ Jewel ~

There are days......................

2011-02-17T04:47:00.000-06:00

There are days that I find it very difficult to get out of bed. There are days when I just crumple and wonder why. There are days when all I want is to hear his voice again. There are days when all I want is to have someone to talk to again. There are days when I do not know where the strength to go forward is going to come from. There are days when I ask why me. There are days when I ask why him. There are days when I want to shout to everybody that I am not that strong, that I can't do this on my own. There are days that I am so tired. There are days when I want to feel his arms around me again. There are days when I just want somebody to hug me. There are days when I just want someone to ask how are you and really mean it. There are days when I really need someone to listen to me. There are days when I just want someone to hold me while I cry and not say to me 'You are strong you'll get through this.' There are days when I don't eat. There are days when all I do is eat, just to find comfort in the food. There are days when I want to crawl inside of myself and never come out. There are days when I am so afraid of what the next day will bring.

My husband passed away 5 months ago. Though our marriage was falling/had fallen apart, his death was the most devastating thing for me.

I am in a broken world right now. I try to move forward, but I can't. I feel myself closing off. I feel myself building walls. I feel myself falling into darkness. I really don't feel anything at all. I am numb. I am sad. I am lonely. I am terrified.

There are days..............

2011-02-13T20:07:00.000-06:00

Second star to the right, and straight on until morning...................

You Needed Me...........I Needed You

2011-02-10T17:39:00.000-06:00

I cried a tear: you wiped it dry.

I was confused: you cleared my mind.

I sold my soul: you bought it back for me.

And held me up and gave me dignity,

Somehow you needed me.

You gave me strength to stand alone again,

To face the world out on my own again.

You put me high upon a pedestal,

So high that I could almost see eternity,

You needed me.

You held my hand when it was cold.

When I was lost, you took me home.

You gave me hope when I was at the end.

And turned my lies back into truth again:

You even called me friend.

You gave me strength to stand alone again,

To face the world out on my own again.

You put me high upon a pedestal,

So high that I could almost see eternity,

You needed me.

I Needed You.

Praying

2011-02-10T00:53:00.000-06:00

It doesn't have to be

the blue iris, it could be

weeds in a vacant lot, or a few

small stones; just

pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try

to make them elaborate, this isn't

a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which

another voice may speak.

~ Mary Oliver ~

(Thirst)

2011-02-08T04:15:00.000-06:00

I desire the things

which will destroy me

in the end.

- Sylvia Plath

Wild Eyes - Cold Stare

2011-02-06T13:24:00.000-06:00

Canis Lupus

A Cat's Prayer

2011-02-05T01:03:00.000-06:00

Now I lay me down to sleep,

The king-size bed is soft and deep...

I sleep right in the center groove

My human can hardly move!

I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight

And here is where I pass the night

No one disturbs me or dares intrude

Till morning comes and "I want food!"

I sneak up slowly to begin

My nibbles on my human's chin.

She wakes up quickly, I have sharp teeth -

And my claws I will unsheath

For the morning's here and it's time to play

I always seem to get my way.

So thank you Lord for giving me

This human person that I see.

The one who hugs me and holds me tight

And sacrifices her bed at night.

Author Unknown

Too Scared

2011-02-02T02:14:00.002-06:00

The Touch Of The Master's Hand

2011-01-29T19:29:00.000-06:00

I found this poem while browsing on the internet a few days ago, and fell in love with it the first time i read it. Its shows us the value and integrity of humanity that makes us who we are. Whether an old violin or a priceless insturment, it's what's put into the value of our lives that make's it worth while.

( By Myra B. Welch 1877-1959 )

Twas battered and scarred, and the auctioneer

thought it scarcely worth his while

To waste much time on the old violin,

But held it up with a smile.

"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,

"Who'll start the bidding for me?

A dollar, a dollar, then, two! Only two?

Two dollars, and who'll make it three?

Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;

Going for three . . ."

But no,

From the room, far back, a grey-haired man

Came forward and picked up the bow;

Then, wiping the dust from the old violin,

And tightening the loose strings,

He played a melody pure and sweet

As a caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,

With a voice that was quiet and low, said:

"What am I bid for the old violin?"

And he held it up with the bow.

"A thousand dollars, and who'll make it two?

"Two thousand! And who'll make it three?

"Three thousand, once; three thousand, twice;

And going and gone."said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,

"We do not quite understand, what changed its worth?"

Swift came the reply:

"The Touch Of The Master's Hand."

And many a man with life out of tune,

And battered and scarred with sin,

Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd,

Much like the old violin.

A 'mess of potage,' a glass of wine;

A game - and he travels on.

He is 'going' once, and 'going' twice,

He's 'going' and almost 'gone'.

But the Master comes and the foolish crowd

Never can quite understand

The worth of a soul and the change that's wrought

By the touch of the Master's Hand.

Runaway Train

2011-01-28T15:24:00.000-06:00

Runaway train, never going back

Wrong way on a one-way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train

Like a madman laughing at the rain

A little out of touch, a little insane

It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train, never going back

Wrong way on a one-way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train, never coming back

Runaway train, tearing up the track

Runaway train, burning in my veins

I run away but it always seems the same

Can you help me remember how to smile?

Make it somehow all seem worthwhile

How on earth did I get so jaded?

Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go

I know what no one else knows

Here I am just a-drownin' in the rain

With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dried

Day and night, earth and sky

Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train, never going back

Wrong way on a one-way track

Seems like I should be getting somewhere

Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Dark Lady

2011-01-22T03:33:00.000-06:00

Dark Lady laughed and danced and lit the candles one by one

Danced to her gypsy music till her brew was done

Dark Lady played back magic till the clock struck on the twelve

She told me more about me than I knew myself

Wish Upon A Star

2011-01-20T18:03:00.000-06:00

When a star is born, they receive a gift or two

One of them is this, they have the power to make a dream come true

When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires will come to you

If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star as dreamers do

Fate is kind she brings to those who love

Loves sweet fulfillment of their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees you through

When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true

Ooh, like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and I sees you through

When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true, ooh, ooh

The Spider And The Fly

2011-01-16T09:55:00.000-06:00

"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly;

"'Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you may spy.

The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,

And I have many curious things to show when you are there."

"Oh no, no," said the little fly; "to ask me is in vain,

For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."

"I'm sure you must be weary, dear, with soaring up so high.

Well you rest upon my little bed?" said the spider to the fly.

"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,

And if you like to rest a while, I'll snugly tuck you in!"

"Oh no, no," said the little fly, "for I've often heard it said,

They never, never wake again who sleep upon your bed!"

Said the cunning spider to the fly: "Dear friend, what can I do

To prove the warm affection I've always felt for you?

I have within my pantry good store of all that's nice;

I'm sure you're very welcome - will you please to take a slice?"

"Oh no, no," said the little fly; "kind sir, that cannot be:

I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"

"Sweet creature!" said the spider, "you're witty and you're wise;

How handsome are your gauzy wings; how brilliant are your eyes!

I have a little looking-glass upon my parlor shelf;

If you'd step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."

"I thank you, gentle sir," she said, "for what you're pleased to say,

And, bidding you good morning now, I'll call another day."

The spider turned him round about, and went into his den,

For well he knew the silly fly would soon come back again:

So he wove a subtle web in a little corner sly,

And set his table ready to dine upon the fly;

Then came out to his door again and merrily did sing:

"Come hither, hither, pretty fly, with pearl and silver wing;

Your robes are green and purple; there's a crest upon your head;

Your eyes are like diamond bright, but mine are dull as lead!"

Alas, alas! how very soon this silly little fly,

Hearing his wily, flattering words, came slowly flitting by;

With buzzing wings she hung aloft, then near and nearer grew,

Thinking only of her brilliant eyes and green and purple hue,

Thinking only of her crested head. Poor, foolish thing! at last

Up jumped the cunning spider, and fiercely held her fast;

He dragged her up his winding stair, into the dismal den -

Within his little parlor - but she ne'er came out again!

And now, dear little children, who may this story read,

To idle, silly flattering words I pray you ne'er give heed;

Unto an evil counselor close heart and ear and eye,

And take a lesson from this tale of the spider and the fly.

Mary Howitt (1799-1888)

I Am Woman

2011-01-15T11:58:00.000-06:00

I am woman, hear me roar

In numbers too big to ignore

And I know too much to go back an' pretend

'cause I've heard it all before

And I've been down there on the floor

No one's ever gonna keep me down again

Oh yes I am wise

But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained

If I have to, I can do anything

I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible)

I am woman

You can bend but never break me

'cause it only serves to make me

More determined to achieve my final goal

And I come back even stronger

Not a novice any longer

'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

I am woman watch me grow

See me standing toe to toe

As I spread my lovin' arms across the land

But I'm still an embryo

With a long long way to go

Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise

But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained

If I have to I can face anything

I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible)

I am woman

Oh, I am woman

I am invincible

I am strong

2011-01-09T15:25:00.000-06:00

Something I like to do when I am all alone is sit quietly. I am quite good at it.

And, you can discover whole new universes when you sit quietly.

I like to draw them up in my mind-- mine has stars made of tiny silver cross stitches and moons that have weathered old man faces that seem to sparkle with a quiet sort of melancholy. Perhaps the planets are strung together with bits of twine and colored ribbons, and you can taste them! I think they might taste a bit like peppermint and lavender.

Imagine, being able to taste an entire universe.

2011-01-08T18:58:00.007-06:00

I live quietly in an abandoned castle, with turrets and spires and big menacing iron gates that close with a big scary thud. I have my own tower, with cobwebs and winding halls that creak softly when you tiptoe through. At night, I listen to all of the princess ghosts, crying softly for their princes to save them from the dusty corridors of secret passages shut off long ago; covered with wallpaper and worries, never to be opened again. From my tower, I look down at the extensive grounds with so much deadness covering the once thriving gardens; so many gardens.

But they don't exist anymore-- nothing does, here.

Words

2011-01-06T18:08:00.000-06:00

Words are so interesting, did you know that the simple phrase 'cellar door' is considered the most beautiful set of words, because of the way they sound. Phonaesthetics are words that are put together for the way that they sound rather than their meaning, I love this, I adore the sounds of some words, I love repeating words sometimes, the more you say the same the more magical they become.... what are your favourite words my dear ones, lets do a little survey and write down our magic words, share with us all

i am a wild girl

2011-01-05T17:31:00.000-06:00

i am a wild girl. we are all wild girls. we do not want to be caged. we want to sneak out of our windows at night onto the roofs of our houses and bath in the constellations. we want to dance in the rain until we are soaked through to our lovely bones. we want to wear pretty dresses and red lipstick, and stay up to watch the sunrise. we want to fall in love so deep that we become dizzy and drunk with it. we dream of kissing boys in meadows, running into the sea and becoming mermaids, falling asleep amidst the flowers and tall grasses . we are made of pure golden light. we want all of this so badly it hurts, and yet what we want the most is the courage to do all this. we must all find our courage.

♥

How to Live Magically

2011-01-04T18:16:00.000-06:00

•let your hair grow long and unruly •wear flower crowns •tie ribbons on your wrists •wears bells on your ankles •wear a key to your heart around your neck •lie in fields of wildflowers •climb trees and read books in them •hand write letters to friends •go looking for fairies and build fairy houses •make friends with trees-tell them your secrets •drink lots and lots of tea •light candles at night •gaze out open windows •listen to dreamy music and dance around •go dancing in the rain •run into lakes wearing pretty dresses •plant a garden of vegetable and wildflowers •have a picnic on the countryside •learn to play an instrument (piano,ukulele,banjo,guitar) •wear vintage nightgowns as dresses •string fairy lights in your room •make someone a batch of cookies •make a teepee •collect seashells •have tea parties •dress up victorian style •frame vintage photos •press wildflowers •spend days in libraries

•don't be afraid of who you are

life is art

2011-01-03T15:23:00.000-06:00

i think everything in life is art. what you do. how you dress. the way you love someone, and how you talk. your smile and your personality. what you believe in, and all your dreams. the way you drink your tea. how you decorate your home. or party. your grocery list. the food you make. how your writing looks. and the way you feel.

life is art.

need i say more.

In Those Final Moments...........

2010-12-31T17:17:00.000-06:00

I'll go out there and make my mistakes. I'll fall down, get hurt, cry, laugh, love, and get back up I'll let my imagination run wild and let my spirit soar. Why? Because when my life flashes before my eyes in those final moments, I want to have something worthwhile to watch, with plenty of love and laughter, good times and bad. I don't want to regret a thing and I plan not to. Remember, it's not usually the things you do that you regret, it's the things you don't do and leave unsaid. Laugh out loud. Cry in the rain. Love with all your heart and soul. Get hurt. Tell the truth. Go crazy. But never forget that you only get one shot. One shot at this day, one shot at this minute. One shot at this age. One shot at life. So make sure your life is one you will enjoy watching in your final moments.

One Door Closes, Another One Opens........Welcome New Year!

2010-12-29T17:54:00.000-06:00

As this year ends and a new one approaches, I sit here, looking back over the year, I am struck by a thought......I once told someone that when God closes one door another will open. I believe that with all my heart. This approaching new year is my next open door. I want to walk through that door with my heart wide open and my soul full of all the possibilities that lie ahead for me.

But I first must reflect back on the year that has so changed my life. In just a few short words....I survived......I went through fire and came out the other side, a little toasted around the edges, but I came through it. I made new discoveries about who I am, where I am headed, who I want to take with me, how I want to live my life.......

In this past year I have laughed and I have cried, I have loved and I have been loved, I was married and now I am a widow. I again have come through a serious illness, though remnants of which will be with me for the rest of my life.

My support base (mother and father) have passed to the other side. My husband (though we had a troubled marriage) was also a support base for me, has also passed to the other side. Three such devasting lossses brought me to my knees. But then, yes there on my knees, I found the strength I needed to move forward.

This past year not only brought sadness but it brought some surprises too. New friends, old
acquaintances, and memories thought long ago put up, brought down from the attic of my mind, to be rediscovered again and delighted at and sighed over in loving fondness..............treasures no one can take away.

This is the old year, the past year.

I await the new year with all the new possibilities it will bring......hope, joy, happiness, life, friendship, love, desire....................I welcome it all.........with arms wide open.......a heart open to love and desire...........a soul full of joy and wonder.............

Welcome New Year!

Blessing of a Christmas Tree

2010-12-23T14:09:00.000-06:00

God of all creation,

we thank you for this tree,

which brings beauty

and memories

and the promise of life to our home.

May Your blessings be upon all that gather

Around this tree,

And who keep the Christmas festival by its lights.

We wait for the coming of Christ,

the days of everlasting justice and peace.

You are our God, living and loving,

forever and ever.

Amen

2010-12-20T18:51:00.000-06:00

On the twelfth day of Christmas,

my true love sent to me

Twelve drummers drumming,

Eleven pipers piping,

Ten lords a-leaping,

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree!

2010-12-18T16:58:00.000-06:00

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

my true love sent to me

Eleven pipers piping,

Ten lords a-leaping,

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

2010-12-17T05:56:00.002-06:00

On the tenth day of Christmas,

my true love sent to me

Ten lords a-leaping,

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

2010-12-15T18:29:00.000-06:00

On the ninth day of Christmas,

my true love sent to me

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

2010-12-14T02:09:00.000-06:00

On the eighth day of Christmas,

my true love sent to me

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

2010-12-12T17:30:00.000-06:00

On the seventh day of Christmas,

my true love sent to me

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

2010-12-11T16:47:00.000-06:00

On the sixth day of Christmas,

my true love sent to me

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

2010-12-10T21:23:00.000-06:00

On the fifth day of Christmas,

my true love sent to me

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.