Sunday, February 20, 2011

Feeling a little lost right now.  I have had to give up my furry companion.  I am in an aprtment that does not allow pets.  I had to give him up Saturday.  He's been with me through all the loss I have suffered the last year and half.  It was comforting to come home to him each evening.  He was a cuddler.  And he really knew when I needed cheering up.  I miss him so much.

Friday, February 18, 2011

"Hands"

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

~ Jewel ~


Thursday, February 17, 2011

There are days......................

There are days that I find it very difficult to get out of bed.  There are days when I just crumple and wonder why.  There are days when all I want is to hear his voice again.  There are days when all I want is to have someone to talk to again.  There are days when I do not know where the strength to go forward is going to come from.  There are days when I ask why me.  There are days when I ask why him.  There are days when I want to shout to everybody that I am not that strong, that I can't do this on my own.  There are days that I am so tired.  There are days when I want to feel his arms around me again.  There are days when I just want somebody to hug me.  There are days when I just want someone to ask how are you and really mean it.  There are days when I really need someone to listen to me.  There are days when I just want someone to hold me while I cry and not say to me 'You are strong you'll get through this.'  There are days when I don't eat.  There are days when all I do is eat, just to find comfort in the food.  There are days when I want to crawl inside of myself and never come out.  There are days when I am so afraid of what the next day will bring.

My husband passed away 5 months ago.  Though our marriage was falling/had fallen apart, his death was the most devastating thing for me.

I am in a broken world right now.  I try to move forward, but I can't.  I feel myself closing off.  I feel myself building walls.  I feel myself falling into darkness.  I really don't feel anything at all.  I am numb.  I am sad.  I am lonely.  I am terrified.

There are days..............

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Second star to the right, and straight on until morning...................



Thursday, February 10, 2011

You Needed Me...........I Needed You

I cried a tear: you wiped it dry.
I was confused: you cleared my mind.
I sold my soul: you bought it back for me.
And held me up and gave me dignity,
Somehow you needed me.

You gave me strength to stand alone again,
To face the world out on my own again.
You put me high upon a pedestal,
So high that I could almost see eternity,
You needed me.

You held my hand when it was cold.
When I was lost, you took me home.
You gave me hope when I was at the end.
And turned my lies back into truth again:
You even called me friend.

You gave me strength to stand alone again,
To face the world out on my own again.
You put me high upon a pedestal,
So high that I could almost see eternity,

You needed me.

You needed me.

You needed me.

I Needed You.


Praying

It doesn't have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don't try
to make them elaborate, this isn't
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

~ Mary Oliver ~

(Thirst)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I desire the things
which will destroy me
in the end.

- Sylvia Plath


Saturday, February 5, 2011

A Cat's Prayer


Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep...
I sleep right in the center groove
My human can hardly move!

I've trapped her legs, she's tucked in tight
And here is where I pass the night
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and "I want food!"

I sneak up slowly to begin
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up quickly, I have sharp teeth -
And my claws I will unsheath

For the morning's here and it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
This human person that I see.

The one who hugs me and holds me tight
And sacrifices her bed at night.

Author Unknown