Wednesday, May 5, 2010

I just want to run away

Did you ever have one of those days when you wish you could just run away from everybody and everything.  Well today was one of those days for me.  I had the most horrible thing happen this morning...the breaks on my SUV went out!  I swerved to avoid hitting the car in front of me and hit a steel post mail box.  Thank goodness nothing else was damaged, just the mailbox.  But it will cost me six hundred dollars to fix my breaks.  Money I am just going to pull out of the air.  AND when I called my soon to be ex husband to help me figure out who to call to have it towed and fixed (it is his SUV...why I'm driving it another story altogether ).....it's "I'm not helping you, you solve this one yourself, if I help you that's babying you, take care of it yourself) one of the may reasons he is soon to be ex) .  So with the kindest of help from the people whose mailbox I destroyed and my co-workers, I got the car towed and the breaks are being repaired and the vehicle should be ready tomorrow.  I've spent today, trying to do my job, plus trying to solve this mess.  And all day today I have pushed aside that terrified feeling I had of not having any breaks, of not being able to stop the vehicle.  Until now.  Now everything is hitting me al at once.  And I mean everything that has happened in these last year and half.  I am very tired right now.  Tired of trying to solve problems, tired of trying to fix things, tired of being the strong one, tired of being tired.  When can I relax, do things that I want to do, enjoy my life again.  I so want to just run away.  This is a bit of a ramble, sorry about that, it's just how I feel right now.....all torn up in tiny pieces and tossed about and not sure if I can put those pieces back together again.

1 comment:

SeeThroughGreen said...

when it hits, it hits hard.... Everything all at once just decides to turn around a beat you upside the head. Im really sorry about your truck and the breaks. I can imagine how terrifying that must have been... I have had near- accident experiences, but never lost my breaks. All you can do it push through it the best you can, sleep, cry ... anything. just let your body deal with the shock the best way it can.
Peace.