Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Being a Widow......

Widowhood is a difficult mantle to wear, and the really painful, grinding mourning takes about a year.

Even though it's hard to believe right now, "tomorrow will be better" and you will discover you are a better and more mature, even caring person because of your loss than you were before.............

Now, I've been giving my status in the scheme of life a lot of thought lately. And, my conclusion is this - being a widow sucks! Plain enough for ya? Alone isn't so bad - I've felt and been more or less alone most of my life. But the loneliness is downright unbearable most of the time.

Have you ever fixed a pot of beans, or spaghetti sauce, or chili, or meat loaf, or anything that could be classified as a meal for ONE PERSON? Have you ever felt spiritually, emotionally stifled because there's nobody to talk to? Have you ever just chattered away like a magpie at strangers at Wal Mart because of being hungry for communicating one-on-one with SOMEONE? Have you ever thought what good am I to anyone because you honestly feel like there isn't anyone who REALLY cares or understands?

Well, I can tell you, it is absolutely terrifying. Thankfully, I don't feel like that often enough for it to be worrying to me. It's happened enough for me to realize at this point in my life I've gotta accept my situation - but, it doesn't mean I've gotta do it gracefully!

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