Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I never got to say good-bye

I wish you were here with me right now.  I really miss you.  And all these battery of tests that the doctors want me to go through.  I am scared.  It is so hard to go through them alone.  I'm not that strong.   You know RG, you wouldn't recognize me now.  I don't eat and I don't sleep.  I've lost so much weight the doctors are wanting me to put on some weight now.  Even my brother is concerned.  He's talked to me about moving down to Warrensburg to be closer to him.  I have thought about it, but everything is familiar up here on the one hand.  And on the other everything reminds of you.  I think I was doing ok until these tests that they want done.  But you know me I worry about everything/  And now with you not here I worry even more.  Having to go through this all by myself.  I don't know if I can.  I think, RG, the hardest thing for me is I never got to say good-bye.  One day you're here and the next you're gone..  Never getting to talk to you and having to make those decisions I never wanted to make has been the hardest thing for me to live with.  I struggle with this every day.
I do miss you so.  I really could use a hug right now sweet pea.  I could really use some of that practical sense of yours. I really need some of your love.....I miss you so much.

No comments: