There are days......................

There are days that I find it very difficult to get out of bed.  There are days when I just crumple and wonder why.  There are days when all I want is to hear his voice again.  There are days when all I want is to have someone to talk to again.  There are days when I do not know where the strength to go forward is going to come from.  There are days when I ask why me.  There are days when I ask why him.  There are days when I want to shout to everybody that I am not that strong, that I can't do this on my own.  There are days that I am so tired.  There are days when I want to feel his arms around me again.  There are days when I just want somebody to hug me.  There are days when I just want someone to ask how are you and really mean it.  There are days when I really need someone to listen to me.  There are days when I just want someone to hold me while I cry and not say to me 'You are strong you'll get through this.'  There are days when I don't eat.  There are days when all I do is eat, just to find comfort in the food.  There are days when I want to crawl inside of myself and never come out.  There are days when I am so afraid of what the next day will bring.

My husband passed away 5 months ago.  Though our marriage was falling/had fallen apart, his death was the most devastating thing for me.

I am in a broken world right now.  I try to move forward, but I can't.  I feel myself closing off.  I feel myself building walls.  I feel myself falling into darkness.  I really don't feel anything at all.  I am numb.  I am sad.  I am lonely.  I am terrified.

There are days..............