I havespent months running from the heavy, heavy realisation that I have lost someone I love.

'I am okay' and I will repeat that, stubborn mantra, childhood wish, until it is true.

Sometimes I just lie in bed and hear my heart beat; the bittersweet reassurance that I am still here. And I wait - beating back doubts and insecurities and overwhelming expectations from everyone I know - I seek comfort in the arms of Morpheus.

So, hello, I am alive.

I was struggling, perhaps I still am, but truthfully

I am too tired these days to put up a fight.

I need to remember all I have and all I know:

those I love, and where I'll go.