I know I am not to understand your ways, but there are times when you know I have to question.....why?
What more is there that I need to go through? Why? When can I be myself again? When can I be happy?
I go where you send me. I help who you want me to help. Are you sending someone to help me? You've taught me that I can handle the big problems. You've thrown everything at me, and some of it all at one time. I've been near death, twice. And yet, you keep sending more. Just when I think I can move forward. Just when I think happiness is around the corner. When you let me glimpse a glimmer of what could be (or that I hope could be) you take it away, It's like some cruel joke. Give her just a taste of happiness and then...poof, gone.....tis not for you. I can face sickness, death, dying and all the other major disasters you send my way. I know I can. I have done it. But, I can't stand this pulling my heart in a million different directions. I know I will survive. I have that much faith. But , oh at what cost. What is the price I have to pay? I never, ever ask of You anything for me. Always for others. But, now, right now, I have to ask for myself....please stop sending my heart into a million tiny pieces of glass. The wounds are deep. The scars won't heal. I just want to hear the birds sing, smell the flowers on a hot summer day. and love....and be loved.
your humble child
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