Okay, so this week is officially going down in my book as one I'll be very happy to leave behind.
To put in so many words; I said somethint to someone I care about very deeply. I hurt them. I did not mean to hurt them. But I did. My friend was already in pain and I just added to it. An now I feel that I have lost what could have turned into a wonderful relationship. It has been a long week. And I miss him.
But, I must say it's been interesting to observe myself under these circumstances. Strange to see how on one level I've been able to continue to function as usual, and how on another my heart and mind have been occupied with how this has all been unfolding and my reactions to it. Rationally it's been okay. I'm reconciled to whatever the outcome is and I'm prepared to take on what comes next. Emotionally I've swung from hope to disappointment to uncertainty to acceptance to frustration and back to disappointment. Even verged on anger at one point yesterday. Right now, I'm feeling a bit like that leaf on the pavement above looks... calm, at rest, not crushed, but a little flat.
You know, I'm a great believer in "what goes around, comes around" but I honestly don't know what sort of bad karma I'm working off here. Will be very glad when it's done with though.
So, today I'm asking only that there be no bad stuff. That in itself would be good. And I'm wearing my rose-tinted glasses especially, which allow me to see all sorts of goodness:
~ It's Friday.
~ I'm going out with some friends for lunch to celebrate the fact that one of them is leaving to join his love in Australia.
~ I'm planning to have Pad Thai (with an extra wedge of fresh lime) for dinner from my favourite local Thai restaurant.
Just letting it go... letting it go. And feeling strangely light and airy.