Change

It is the spring of change and I have been quiet, wondering where these changes will lead.

Change is a funny thing. You may wish for it and when it happens you may find yourself ground to a halt as you contemplate which road to take. I am still there at the crossroads sitting and listening. My life waits to move on and I only know if you deny your soul the place it longs for, it will find a way to demand it of you. So mine is making those demands rather loudly and I am wondering what next.

There are many doors open to me now and I wonder where I might find myself down the road. For now I wait and listen, refusing to settle for others. The moon and stars are anywhere I might choose to go and as time goes by I realize it is my turn, my journey waiting for me, calling me forward.

Truly On My Own

This seems so strange to say this at this time in my life, but for the first time I am truly on my own. There is no one there standing beside me to guide, comfort or advise me at this time in my life. Right now I feel so small and insignificant. My mother passed away in November, and we just moved my father to a nursing home closer to my brother. My brother is about 50 miles away, (not far really, but ...). And so here I am alone for the first time. I too, would have moved, but after taking care of both my mother and father and not working for the past six months, I start a new job here in town on Monday (with a fantastic company that I have worked for before). So it was decided that I stay here and get back on my feet, while my Dad is living closer to my brother.


This has all happened in the last two weeks. Things have moved at lightning speed, I have not had time to take it all in. Until now. And right now, I am a little overwhelmed, a little frightened, and, I have to admit this, a little excited. For the first time, to truly be on my own. I am not sure what to make at this time. Just me, myself, and I. Oh yes, and my furry little companion....I guess I'm not really all alone then....and even though he doesn't speak words....his little eyes do.....and they will say to me when I come home every evening.....I missed you, how was your day......what more could I ask for........
 

Just My Thoughts

Right now I am craving... mint chocolate

Do you think the Loch Ness monster exists? of course

Last night....I had pizza, watched some of the Matrix and fell asleep on the couch for a while.

Song of the week..."Baby, Now that I Found You" by Alison Krauss

Currently I want... a new hair colour, a bigger bookshelf, a Polaroid camera, a pretty dress, a french manicure and a puppy

Today I really feel like reading other peoples words more than writing my own.

chocolate croissant or blueberry muffin? definitely a chocolate croissant

Random Me

some random things about myself

Its never too late to change direction or your attitude


Last night...I made awesome lamb chops, baked potato and salad.

Sometimes I wish...on the first star I see at night

Do you blush easily? yup, I have been known to do that

Sometimes I really enjoy having a good ramble (By "ramble" I mean talking wildly and happily about a bunch of totally random things without even pausing to take a breather).

I'm not a "comfort eater" - when Im a bit down or stressed I tend to lose my appetite and eat almost nothing.

Sipping champagne on a weekday afternoon is blissful

Sometimes a long car ride alone with a favourite CD is all you need to get back on track

If you don't try to run after your dreams , you will never know if you can catch them

Getting roses will always make me feel giddy

Currently I want... more music in my life, discipline to write/study more, pretty dresses

Sometimes I think that getting take out and eating it outside (aka "fast food picnic")is as nice as going to a pretty restaurant - don't you agree?

I have a rather twisted sense of humour at times - I definitely got it from my mother.

Am I happy? Yes. Sure, my life is not perfect yet, I could have a better job, I'm a work in progress....But I still have so many things to be deliriously happy about. It feels good.

At the moment I am buying far more books than I am reading. My book list of "want to read" has gotten ridiculously long. Here are a few books I am really looking forward to reading
* The Story Sisters - by Alice Hoffman
* The Lace Reader - by Brunonia Barry
* The lost book of Salem (also called "the physick book of Deliverence Dan" in USA)- by Katherine Howe
* The Girl who chased the Moon - by Sarah Addison Allen (due out in March 2010)

Currently I want... a new hair colour, The "500 days of summer" soundtrack, a bigger bookshelf, a Polaroid camera, a pretty dress, a french manicure and a puppy

chocolate croissant or blueberry muffin? definitely a chocolate croissant

Sometimes its totally ok not to have all the answers and to ask all the "wrong" questions :)

Change

I hope the weather has been as delightful for you as it has been for me. The evenings have been quite lovely with just a hint of coolness to remind me that the season of comfort is upon us.


The picture above has inspired this post. Such a lovely message it conveys to me. Acceptance... I have accepted the changes in my life...and I do not like change. However, I have stared down the big elephant of change. We now see one another, eye to eye. I can now place my hand upon this creature and say "It's okay...you were inevitable. I just needed time. I accept you. I've made my peace with you."




Funny though...change comes in so many ways. A dear friend who has known me for about 5 years recently asked me...."Who are you really? You are not the Jan I met five years ago. I see many facets of you, all these glimpses of a different woman...many women in one you." I begin to wonder...is it really a change or is this finally the true me emerging from my cocoon?



No matter....I love me and shall embrace this woman I have become.



As for change...welcome!!!



Look out world!!!