Friday, June 25, 2010

Dear God, I really need some answers please

Dear God,

I am in need of some answers.  I really do not know what lessons needed to be learned.  Some insight would  be helpful in my understanding of all that has transpired. 

Several months ago, you let an old friend back into my life.  Someone I thought I would not have any contact with since the last time I saw him.  For those months we communicated as friends do, catching up, talking about old times and new things.  Then our conversations turned deeper.  My friend was troubled and upset.  We talked through this several times.  I never asking too much, he never revealing too much.  But we talked.  Then just as quickly as you brought him into my life, you let him leave my life.  Yes, we have talked twice since he left.  But God,  I miss him.  I miss our conversations.  I miss our teasing.  I miss our laughter.  I miss his wit and sarcasm.  I know he needs to work through some things.  He thinks he needs to do this alone.  Maybe he does.  But still....why did you bring him back in my life for such a short period of time and then let him slip back out?   I do not see the lesson here.  I only have an empty space where my friend once was.

And God, this next one, I really do not understand at all.  I wasn't looking for or thought I needed someone in my like romantically.  And out of the blue, you dropped this person into my life.  WHY?  God, I had these feeling under control.  Feelings like that were not meant for me.  I knew that.  I was living with it.  And with a blow to knock me off my feet.  You brought this man into my life.  My life will never be the same.  These feelings I have for this man, I can not bury deep inside of me to save my soul.  And just when I thought that maybe, just maybe,  it was really meant for me....just as suddenly you took him away too.  {roving again to me, that I was never meant to be loved like that by anyone.  What lessson are you trying to teach me?  What is it that I am not getting?  The empty space here is so wide and so deep and hurts like hell.  This one God, really hurt.  This pain, will be with me for as long as I live.  This one God, the tears come at any time without notice.  And all I want to know is why?

I do not think that I can take much more God.  I was doing fine with being alone, being lonely, knowing love was not in the cards for me.  I could live and be content without ever knowing any of the things that transpired in the last few weeks God.  Why did you let me feel those feelings?  Why did you let me fall in love?  So I could know heartache?  Why?  The love between a man and a woman has all I ever asked you for, wished for, dreamed about.  You dropped it into my lap without warning.  And you took it away.  To what purpose?

Dear God, I really need some answers here, please.

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