Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Something's Gotta Give...........

There are times when this intuition of mine, this "gift" of knowing, is right on the money.  Those times are usually when I know things are not working out for me.  Then there are times like right now.  When I "feel" that something is going to change or happen.  These feelings permeate my entire being.  They resonate deep inside.  I cannot place these feelings.  I cannot tell you what they are.  They are just there.  It is a feeling of "something's gotta give...."

In my life right now, something's gotta give, something has to change.  Perhaps that is why this "feeling" is so ....so what? what is the word or words I am looking for.  Bubbling inside, bursting, wanting to, no, needing to get out.

Quite a few things have happened in my life recently.  Some not so good, some extremely pleasurable.  Some I can fix, some I want to fix but feel I've lost the chance at that, and others still need fixing.

Right now, this very moment, 5:15am Tuesday, I would walk out the door of my apartment and never come back.  I don't know where I'd go or what I would do.  But I would never look back.

This is not a "dark night of the soul" kind of feeling.  Been there done that.  This is I've got to make, I need to make changes.  And I need to do it soon or I will lose the battle.  But what am I battling?  Who am I battling with?  And why do I have to be so alone in this?  All I ever wanted was a soft place to land, a loving heart to share, someone to love me and I to love them.  Just simple things that seem so out of reach to me right now.

Oh my, something's gotta give..............

1 comment:

tena said...

Oh Jan girl,you are not alone in this. I also get those storms brewing inside of me, you know someting is up you are just not sure what. Feels like the rush right before dropping off the tallest peak of a rollercoaster. When I feel this that is what I say hang on and enjoy the ride!!!