Friday, August 13, 2010


Discoveries are made everyday.  Discoveries are made every second of a day. Scientists make new discoveries.  Archeologist find old discoveries.  Babies discover a multitude of things in just 5 minutes.  Each of us discover something new or something old everyday. 

Some of the discoveries we make each day are about ourselves.  Some we are overjoyed at and some we would like to push back into the bottom of the basket.  But still we discover and we learn and we move on to the next discovery or experience.

These past few months I have made some discoveries.  Some are new and some are old.  Some I am overjoyed at and some I want to push back deep into that basket.  But for all the good and bad they are here to stay with me through the long haul.  Let me share with you some of what I have discovered.

This one I have known quite a while but have not let it be known or talked to others about it who are not of the same belief.  I am a Pagan.  I practice a Pagan/Goddess Path.  Which means I look at the divine as feminine.  A Mother Goddess.  I observe Pagan Holidays:  Samhain, Yule, Imbolc, Ostara, Beltane, Litha, Lughnasadh, Mabon.  I follow the cycles of the moon.  I work with herbs.  And generally try to follow the Old Ways handed down by my grandmother. A few friends who are not Pagan have suspected but have not said anything.  But now it is on the table.  I do not and will not discuss anything on this blog about my Pagan path.  I have another blog just for that.

"I might not be the most beautiful, or the sexiest, nor do I have the perfect body. I might not be first choice, but I'm a great choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not because I'm too good at being me. I might not be proud of some of the things i've done in the past but I am proud of who I am today! Take me as I am...or watch me as I walk away."

The above quote came to me via a friend and has stuck with me for awhile.  I like who I am.  I know who I am. I know what I've been through.  I know where I want to go.  There isn't one of these laugh lines that I would erase.  I've earned everyone of them.  I lived a millin miles of memories and I won't trade them for anything or anybody because I don't fall within there concept of beauty. 

If you dismiss me out of hand because I do not or did not meet some sort of "standard" or because you don't care for my beliefs or you could not look any deeper than the outside and not really see what's on the inside, then I feel sorry for you.  Because you have not done any growing up.  You are the one with the problem not I.  You are the one who needs to make some discoveries of your own to find out who you really are.

I treat people the way I would like to be treated.  With respect, kindness, and love.  I will always extend a hand of friendship to anyone.  If you cannot do the same for me then it is your loss not mine.

It used to bother me that people could do that to me.  And I would then be the one to say 'Oh I am so sorry that I didn't measure up to your standards.  You hurt my feelings, but it was my fault.  Not yours.  I am so sorry"  I would be the one apologizing for the other person's treatment of me.  I can no longer do that.  I will no longer do that.

The above "discovery" was a rant! But a discovery none the less.

One last discovery, but on a much brighter note.  I have, for so long, put my art my writing, and my dance on the back burner.  Never really indulging as much as I wanted to.  But these days I feel so much freer to express myself through these.  These two discoveries have changed my life.  Made me feel confident again.  I can express who I am, what I am feeling, where I have been, where I want to go through these three forms of self-expression.   The art is Digital Collage and painting, the writing, of course are my blogs, poetry, short stories, and my dance, my dance is bellydance (a stunning way of self-expression).

These are just a few of the many discoveries I have made.  What are some of yours?

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