Am I Ever Going to Come Back to Being Me

When does it get better?  When can I move forward?  How long can I be in mourning?  November 2009, my mother passed away.  June 2010 my father passed away.  October 2010 my husband passed away.  When will I stop crying?  When will I be able to do things we once did, go places we once went without falling apart?  The grief counselor says that everyone grieves in their own way in their own time.  But I am not living.  I am just existing right now.  And it is hard.  I have become such a recluse and such a bitch.  I take it out on everyone around me.  I believe I even lost the friendship of someone that mattered to me, because I am such a moody, bitchy person right now.  And on top of all this, I am dealing with a serious illness of my own.  I just want to know how long will this last?  Where did I, me, go?  When is she coming back?  Is she ever going to come back?