I Love You Without Knowing...

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. 

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride. 

So I love you in this way because I know no other way of loving but this, 

in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, 

so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.

Pablo Neruda

Yes. This is Love.

Some may call it Unconditional. Some may call it Love.

Simply that. Love. Unconditional Love.

When you Love, because there is no reason, other than Love.

I bow down graciously with respect to Pablo Neruda.

One of the poets whose words, have always found a way of touching my heart.

When I read his poetry, it makes we wish I spoke Spanish.

Simply so I could feel and touch the words, the way he wrote them from his own heart.

Much Loves,

The night walked down the sky with the moon in her hand.
~Frederic Lawrence Knowles?


half of our body is illuminated, and half of our body is in dark shadow.
this is the natural balance of things. it cant be all light. not yet. so the
best we can do is be ok with the shadow... sometimes the shadow is
loneliness. sometimes it is sorrow. sometimes it is disagreement. & on
the worst days, it is a monster inside that we didnt know we could be.
oh! how we think we should be so much better than we are by now!?
and the tricky thing about shadow is... the more we think about it, the
more it gobbles up the light. and we swirl in fear & guilt & confusion.
yesterday my shadow was in the form of a heron.. it sat on the edge of
water & spied me. i had to face my heron but i didnt have the strength.
thats when i fell in a deep sleep on my pillows. my legs became a tree
trunk and my body was as heavy as an elephant. i stayed very still...
i wanted to ascend into pure love and light... but i was way too afraid.
thats when it happened. thats when i was moon-cooled... a light fairy
took me to the moon & i rested in the place where the shadow meets
the light. i stayed there for some time just waiting. then she began to
pour light blue sand over the top of me. it fell down in cold powdery
waves until i was covered in a cone of sea-blue sand. i stayed there
in my tipi where it was cool. dwelling in peace. in a cone of neutrality.
until i could move again... when i got up, the inside of me was steady
and my arms were light. i sat up on the edge of my nest and blinked.
i had found moon-cooled neutrality & it was a simple weapon to grasp.
i looked at the heron right in the eye and did not feel one single thing.

The Writer Lives... a story "Through The Secret Keyhole

It's been ages since I lasted posted, but for good reason.

Do you ever feel "bloggers guilt" after not posting as you regularly do? I had felt that a lot lately and decided that I needed to take a break and let that go. Blogging is supposed to be something fun - not a chore you must keep up on. Thus, I decided I would post whenever I wanted and not worry about some silly schedule. Our whole lives are scheduled down to the last minute (at least mine is) so why should this be? Blogging seems to fit seamlessly into some blogger's lives, but not mine.

The Writer Lives

......and here is a little story for all of you, 

Through The Secret Keyhole

She never dreamed she would grow old.

She felt young even today.

And in her heart of hearts, she certainly was.

She sat pondering this in that great big old house, that once was a home to everyone in her family...

Now, she lived in it alone.

Well, actually...

Everyone in the small village thought she was alone.

But, she wasn't.

She still skipped about, as if she were a girl of 12 -

And would run through the open pasture out back, and into the woods to her secret hiding place...

Everything felt to her, as cozy as cozy could be.

As beautiful as beautiful could be.

At night, when it was time for bed, someone else led the way up the rickety staircase...

And never ever did she feel alone.

Not even for a day.

It is deep in the night

It is deep in the night when I wake up from a deep sleep for no reason, that the fears come.
They come fast and they come hard.
It is deep in the night when I worry about everything I tell me myself during the day will be alright.
It is deep in the night when every pain in my body feels ten times worse then it is.
It is deep in the night when I think that pain is something more serious then it is.
It is deep in the night when I think of my own mortality.
It is deep in the night when I feel oh so scared, so frightened of what is to come.
It is deep in the night when I think where is the strength going to come from to get me through something else.
It is deep in the night when I think what else could happen or go wrong.
It is deep in the night when I miss those who are gone the most.
 It is deep in the night when I so desperately need to hear another human voice.
It is deep in the night when I feel just how alone I am in this world.
It is deep in the night when I think I just can't go on anymore.
It is deep in the night when I miss the how it feels to be held.
It is deep in the night when I need to be loved and made love to
It is deep in the night when I need to love someone and make love to
It is deep in the night when I miss someone saying to me "I need you"
It is deep in the night when I miss someone saying to me "I love you"
It is deep in the night when I cry now
It is deep in the night when I wish someone could hear me cry and reach out to me and say "everything will be alright"
It is deep in the night when I wonder if everything will ever be alright again.
It is deep in the night when I face all of these fears and more.  I face them head on.  I let them wash over me.
It is deep in the night when I embrace these fears.
It is deep in the night when I let these fears know they have no hold over me.  Not now.
But it is deep in the night that I let them come.  That I give them room to breathe.  For if they stay locked up they will become too powerful.  And I won't give them that power.
It is deep in the night.
And the deep of the night is just the hours between night and day.

I Have a Confession

I have a confession


Some of you may already know, some of you may have guessed, some of you it would have never crossed your mind.  I do not put it out there for all to see.  I have respect for other points of view.  Please respect mine.  I do not talk publicly about it but I will talk privately if you have questions.  But I will not talk to you if all you have to say is inflammatory remarks.  But as the time passes, the days move on I must be true to who I am and so I share this because like everything else it is time.


I am what you would call a green witch or earth witch ( my magic is of the earth and plants ) even my body feels the slight changes of the winds and trees ..As i walk in the woods i feel the pulse of life so very strong ( if you just stop and listen you can here the tree spirits whisper ) i always walk before i paint as to open my third eye to all things ......................bright Blessings on the day to all 

My Dearest Raymond

My Dearest Raymond

It is time to write these words to you
In the silence I can hear you calling my name like a lark in the meadow.
In the evening shadows I feel your presence so close standing next to me/
In the deep night of sighs I can hear the sound of beating wings as you watch over me.
In these fleeting moments you are still here with me.  I am not alone anymore.
In these shadowy moments I cry and you hold me.  And I love you once more.
In these days when I feel so alone, so frightened, you come to me and say ' I am still here with you.'
In these  moments only you and the pillow I cry in know that if I could be with you I would.
I am caught between the veils of the worlds.....stay in the shadows with you or move forward into a new life.
I am betwixed and between
For there are days when I am so lonely, your memory rises to the surface and I just want to stay there forever.
Friends think I am no longer sad.  I hide the sadness much better now.  The sadness is still there.
All I ever wanted was to grow old with you.  You always said we would not.  You were right.  We will not grow old together. How did you know? I am the one who knows things, sees things, but this, this one thing was veiled to me.
There are days when I have lost all hope.  There are days that I just don't want get up out of bed. There are days that I miss you so much. Those are not so close to together as they once were, but I still have them.
I find the weekends the hardest.  They were the days we did everything together...road trips, shopping, you letting me sing off-key and not complain, dancing with me when you don't like to dance, messing with your HAM radios seeing how far we can reach and in what language, going to the zoo because I wanted to see the big cats,  me asking you hundred of questions about nothing and you patiently answering my questions. I have so many more questions about nothing, but no one to ask them to.  I really, really never thought I would be so alone right now.Never.
I miss you very much.

I loved you and I love you
The one you left behind
Your wife
Jan
'

My Opinion on Banning Books

It is not often that I talk about my opinions in regards to causes that people believe in, but what happened over the weekend kind of sets me seething.  Let me state first, that I am a firm believer in everybody’s right to stand up for their opinions and rights.  However, when someone tells me that I have no right to read something or have it carried in my local library because of the content of the books, then I get upset.  Then to come to my door and want me to sign a petition to ban some books from the local library, and when I politely refused to sign, and when pushed for the reason why I won’t sign, and I stated that I do not believe in banning books, to call me a non-Christian, immoral person goes beyond anything decent.

I do no believe in banning books.  I may not agree with, or like some books, but I will not go along with keeping them out of the library.  I am capable of making my own decision, my own choice as to whether to read it or not.  It it offends me, I’m not going to pick it up and read just because it’s there. And if it is to keep it out of the hands of children, you as a parent, as an adult, should be aware of what your children read (go with them to the library/bookstore) or watch (know in advance what’s on the television when your child is watching) and make that choice for them and them alone, not for everyone else.  To totally remove them from the shelves so no one else can make read them, denies that choice, that decision to others.  That is just wrong to me.

Teach your children your values and what you believe in so that they can and will eventually make their own smart choices about what to read or not to read. To take that choice away from the rest of us is not, what I think, our society should be about it.  And then to be offended because someone doesn’t believe in your cause, really come on now.

I do not believe in banning books.  No matter what the content.  We all have the right to choose whether we read it or not.  If not, you go on about your business.  If yes, then it is there for you to read.  In a place that offers all knowledge to everyone, the public library.

Personally I think what bothers a lot of people, and this is just my opinion, knowledge.  Knowledge is the keys to the kingdom.  Knowledge is freedom.  Some people do not like others having such freedom.  They’d rather have them unknowledgeable, uneducated, non free thinking  automatons.   But that’s just my opinion.  And everybody has the right to their own opions.